Often times we go through relationships, not realizing sex is a key factor. But what if you’re with someone and all they do is want sex from you without putting in the work? Is it still your obligation to engage in sexual activity with this person? Or is it important to stay connected mentally so that the physical doesn’t dwindle?
Some people don’t have a problem with not being stimulated mentally before they engage with someone sexually. For some the physical pleasure of it is enough. For someone like myself, I have to be stimulated emotionally, mentally and physically. There’s no way I would be able to lay down with someone without getting to know a little something about them first; that isn’t how the juices get to flowing.
I’m not quit sure if that is a woman thing or a people thing; but I for sure would need to at least like and feel some type of attraction for the person before things could get that far. There are many people who are with someone now solely because they give them sex on the regular and it’s good. That person could be going through all types of s*** but will take it because the sex is good. Not I, I’m not going through that again. That was something I was stupid enough to endure when I was younger. Now that I’m older… I do not have the patients that I once had to entertain foolery.
I don’t know what it is, but when you get older there’s a lot of bulls*** you won’t deal with anymore; things you use to tolerate left and right because you were young and didn’t know any better. It’s just something about getting older, your tolerance just isn’t the same.
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My sincerest apologizes if you’ve been waiting for this part of the story. He it goes…
“Kevall, I’m gonna need you to hold down the office for me for a couple of days.”
“Why? Where you going?”
Passion looked at him questionably because she had gone on hundreds of trips over the years and he had never taken a real interest in where she went. So this was a little off putting to her.
“Why all of a sudden you care?”
“I’ve always cared. I just never said anything. I didn’t believe it was my place to ask because we were polyamorous at the time.”
“That hasn’t changed.”
“Well.. why not?!” Kevall wanted so badly for her to realize she hadn’t needed attention from other men, because he planed to make up for all the years he wasted without trying to get to know his wife. The question still was ” Was he too late? “I thought we were working on us?”
“Kevall I know you would love me to be that very agreeable Passion, you met so many years ago; but things have changed… I really love living and being this way. It makes me feel so free and sexually fluid. Something I didn’t welcome at first, but as time went on I began to appreciate.”
“Why can’t you appreciate it with me?”
“I do. I just don’t want your dick to be the only one I get to hop on from time to time. I need and crave other options. Hell.. sometimes I don’t want dick; I want a vagina. So you see, I’ve become so comfortable with our setup, that I’m not just able to break away from that way of life so easily.”
“That still hasn’t answered the question.”
“Where are you going?!” By this point, Kevall was frustrated because of his fear of loosing Passion.
“With who?” He hadn’t felt the pang of jealousy in years. Even though he had never really been the jealous type, for some reason his feelings toward his wife started to intensify.
“Have you booked the flight yet?”
“Why is that ‘Good’?”
“Because, you’re not going.”
“What the F*** you mean, ‘I’m not going’?”
“Just what I said.”
She was put off by his sudden need to become a take change type of guy. She wasn’t use to that at all, where it concerned him.
“From my recollection, you’re my husband; not my father!”
“I don’t have to be your father in order to demand that from you.”
“Oh, yes the hell you do! Especially if you expect me to do it!”
“Passion, what happened to honoring your husband?”
“Oh now you wanna play that game.” Passion hadn’t believed how much had changed with in the span of a couple days. Just last week he was piping some girl down in the car outside of their house. She was a little mad about it, but had not said anything because she had also done that a time or two; Kevall just never caught her.
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Passion was over the whole conversation with Kevall. She loved him, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go back to the way things were. She wasn’t satisfied then. During that time of being married and faithful, she felt she lost a little bit of herself.
Over the years since them decided to be polyamorous, she started to become more and more of the woman she felt she had always been. Which was something very beautiful in it self. She no longer felt unattractive or insecure because she had the chance to become that beautiful sexual butterfly she always believed herself to be.
By learning how many men and women viewed her, she unlocked the deadbolt to her sexuality; more like burst that door off of the hinges. Now because life proved to be so good over the years; she wasn’t sure she was ready to turn back.
“So… what you gonna do?”
“I don’t know, girl.”
“Well, you know the only reason he wants you to stop now, is because he don’t want to look stupid to everyone else. Also I think by having Jaylen there the other night, it made things real to him.”
“Yeah, I think you right, girl. But I still don’t know what to do. I’m sure if I tell him ‘No’ he’s gonna get all up in his feelings.”
“You know it…. I hate to be the bearer of bad new; but he may even leave you. Are you ready for that?”
Passion wasn’t finished being a connoisseur of the many different flavors that were sexuality. So she wasn’t quite sure what to say or how to feel. On one hand, she didn’t want to loose him. On the other, she felt it was unfair for him to ask her to change once again, because of his ego.
“Shonda, I really don’t know… I never gave that a thought.”
“Are you still happy being his wife? Or are you more interested in becoming a THOT?”
“Damn! Why you got to say it like that?”
“I don’t mean anything by it. I’m just saying, know what you’re giving up before you decide to walk away from a 20+ year marriage.”
“Well, he’s definitely not going to get his answer today. I’m gonna take some time to think about it. Matter a fact… Girl what you doing this weekend?”
“Taking Brent to his father’s….. You know, he hasn’t seen him since we got divorced?”
“Are you serious?!”
Shonda was a divorcée, mother, and business woman; who took pride in everything she ever did. Things between her and her now ex-husband Ross, had gone sour because he couldn’t except her success. Mainly because she was taking nothing but W’s and he couldn’t catch a break. Sure he had a job, but because of the way he was raised, he felt it was the mans job to be the earner, protector, and provider. So naturally when roles switched, so did their feelings for each other.
“Yeah, girl. Unfortunately I am.”
“How long has it been? Because isn’t Brent; What?… 15 now.”
“Yep. But get this.. He saying I’m keeping him away from his son…. How?!”
“Well, are you?”
“For real? You really gonna ask me that?.. “You know I would never do that! My mother did that to my Dad. That’s why our relationship is strained till this day.”
“Shonda, please don’t get offended. It’s just, sometimes Baby Mother’s do things like that, because their trying to hurt their Baby’s Father just as bad as he hurt them.”
“Passion, there’s a big difference between being a Baby Momma and a WIFE. After all, I do have morals. No matter how mad I get, I would never do anything like that. Because, It wouldn’t be only hurting him it’ll be hurting my child.”
“Damn… Sorry. Didn’t mean to take it there. All I was trying to ask is; Do you wanna take a trip with me?”
“B**** where?! You know I’m down.”
“I’m thinking… South Africa?”
“Let me know when you ready.”
“Okay good! I’m gonna talk this over with Kevall tonight. Then I’ll call you with the details.”
“What made you wanna take this trip?”
“I just need to clear my head and possibly get some good pipe , before I make this decision.”
The night before was hectic. Passion tried to keep her affair with Jaylen quiet, but someone had already spread the word to her husband. She tried getting it out of him who it was, but it was no use, he wasn’t budging. Partly because he was pissed the guy was even in the house.
Years before, he initially asked for the marriage to be one of convenience; but at the time he believed Passion would be so in love with him, he would be doing most of the dating. Lets just say, that isn’t the way it went down. Now he was caught between a rock and a hard place, because he was the one who opened Pandora’s Box. Now to try to close it; he knew it was not going to go over well with his wife.
“Hey Babe….” Passion was doing her best at trying to keep the peace; but one thing she didn’t take too kindly to, was being ignored. Something Kevall was great at. “Oh, so you ignoring me now?!”
He was so pissed, he didn’t want to say anything to her. He actually wanted her to hurt like he was hurting; but being the mature, logical man he was he knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.
“Passion you gotta understand; by having your little f***buddy here last night, it makes it look like you playin me!”
“Bae, that is the last thing I was trying to do. I would never do that to you; you have been to good to me for me to do you like that.”
“Thank you for saying that. But that isn’t the picture people from the party last night, are going to paint. I’m sure they’re talking s*** about us right now; really about you.”
“What you mean, ‘Me’?”
“I’m sure they’re thinking you’re dogging me out, and I’m too green to read between the lines.”
“I don’t care what no one has to say. This is my life; and you shouldn’t either.”
“That sounds good in theory; but you know how looking bad to your employees could transition into not so good attention for your business?”
“Yeah,.. I guess you’re right. Let me go and see if I can put these rumors to rest.”
“Good, you go ahead and do that; but not until you do something for me first.” It had been a really long time since Kevall saw his wife in her natural state. Usually, they would go days without seeing each other. So to see her now with out any makeup wearing his college sweatershirt, it made him fall in love all over again. “You are so… beautiful.”
“Ahhh, thanks babe. You are so sweet.”
“I’m not saying it to be sweet, i’m saying it because I mean it. You are more beautiful now than the day we got married.”
Passion had no idea how to react. It wasn’t the compliment that surprised her, it was the love and sincerity she saw in his eyes as he said it.
“And you are just as sexy as the day I met you.”
Kevall felt it was finally time to ask the dreaded question. He wasn’t sure what her answer would be, but he figured he would give it a go.
“Babe, how would you feel… about us shutting all our “friends” out, so we can work on us?”
“What you mean?” She knew exactly what he meant. She was actually trying to buy some time, so she could find a nicer way to reject the idea.
“Come on Passion, you know exactly what I mean. I’m happy with having only you. “I only want you.
I realized that the other night.”
“Are you serious? We’ve been married for twenty plus years. Doing this polyamory thing for the last ten; and now you want only me. ”
“You’re saying it like it’s an inconvenience to you.”
“Well… it is? Can I think about it?”
“I don’t see what’s to think about. I’m your husband, and you love me; right?”
“Of course I do. But Momma’s having to much fun, and I don’t believe i’m done playing yet.”
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Passion for a long time lost interest in her husband, because he got a little to soft for her liking. But after what just went down between the two, she was thinking about giving up all her side pieces and focusing on him.
Just as she start to fantasize about the acts that took place, moments before; she was jarred from her thoughts.
“Why are you smiling so big? I thought I was the only one who could put a smile on your face that big.”
The voice was from none other than Jaylen. He snuck up on her. She was so caught in her thoughts, she hadn’t realized he was standing right behind her. Once she realized who it was, she instantly became aggravated.
“I don’t see how you thought that. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not your woman.” She said as she turned to face him.
“I know that. Damn! I just wanted to see if you wanted me to bless you once the last person leaves.”
“No, I’m good.”
“What’s up with you tonight? Every since I got here, you have been a real….”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yeah, but you were definitely thinking it… It’s okay though. There’s nothing you can say that would offend me.”
“Passion I’m not trying to get on your bad side.”
“Too late, you already have.”
“How?! I didn’t even do anything.”
Passion started to look around to make sure her husband was no where in ear shot; because her conversation with Jaylin started to escalate.”
“Jaylin, keep your voice down!” She said in a hushed tone; trying to avoid drawing attention to herself. But it was too late.
“I thought we had something special.” Jaylin was on the verge of tears. Even though she let him know from the beginning, she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Somewhere down the line he started developing feelings for her. Totally thinking that he was going to make her his wife in the future.
“See, I knew I shouldn’t have messed with you!”
Jaylin held back as long as he could; but once she uttered those words, he couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m very serious.” By know the whole room was looking at the two of them. Shonda hadn’t realized what was going on, because she was busy trying to conduct her own hookup with the other youngin in the room. But once she did she headed over to the two.
“Hey, Passion…. What are you doing tomorrow?”
“I’m sorry Shonda, but me and Passion have some business to take care. Could you please excuse us?”
“No. You’re fine girl. Yeah, I’m free. What’s up?” Passion gave Jaylin a look that made it clear, she was done with the conversation.
You would have thought he would’ve made his way to a different part of the room; but he hovered around Passion and Shonda the whole night. As he listened in on some of their conversation, he found out passion was married and the house they were inn was hers.
When he learned she was a married woman, he planned to blackmail her into giving him what ever he wanted. But one thing he didn’t take in to account; her and her husband had an open marriage.
“Mmmmm… Your lips feel so good on my skin. Knowing you, has come with many benefits.” Passion said looking down at Jaylen. Who moments before was immersed in all of her glorious juices.
Passion was a woman of many faces. Her love for sex always seemed to over power any emotion. She never would admit it, but she was addicted to the pleasure and closeness sex brought. Many times it didn’t matter with who. Woman or man did not concern her. The only thing that mattered was getting that fix. So naturally when Jaylen was hired, she instantly made him her concubine.
“I agree Ms. Whitaker, it has.” Jaylen managed to say in between slurps.
Knock.. Knock… Knock…
“Ahh… Be with you, in a minute!” Passion was caught of guard. It was approaching 10pm, and because of the time, she believed everyone went home for the night.
“Who could that be?!” Jaylen said in a whisper to avoid being heard. He was just as surprised as her; even a little more so, because this job was the only thing keeping him from being on the street.
“Shhhh… whoever it is, will here you!” Passion was surprised, but she knew how to play it cool. She had been caught to many times before, not to learn a thing or two from her sexual escapades.
“Are you okay in there Mrs. Whitaker?!”
“Rosalind, is that you?” Passion walked over to a desk with plenty of monitors on it. Checking the camera right above her office door, she saw it was indeed Rosalind. “What are you doing here, so late?”
“I wanted to finish up some work for tomorrow…. Can I come in?”
“I’m sorry Roz, but I really have to finish this. Why don’t you go on home; and we’ll talk in the morning?”
“Okay, Boss. See you in the A.M. Have a good night.”
Passion continued to watch the cameras until she saw Roz exit the building.
A couple seconds later
“Are you for real?! You got my heart pounding so damn hard, right now!”
“What are you so worried about? I told you, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. As long as you keep pleasing me like you have been; you’ll never have to worry about employment ever again.”
“Ms. Whitaker, you know I have way more to offer than just that. I came to work for this company because I really believe I have something to offer.”
“Oh you have something to offer, alright.” Passion said as she looked at his lips, licking hers, becoming moist all over again.
“Dammit Passion, I mean it!”
“Oh I know you do.” And like the true lioness she was, she commanded his submission. “But that is no way to speak to you boss; is it?”
“I thought we were more than that. At least I hoped we were. It’s been six months, I’ve been working with the company, and you promised me that creative director position, a few months ago!”
“And you believed me?…. Ha, ha, ha. You really think that I’m going to give someone I just met, that type of control; not to mention that big bump in pay?”
“I thought you liked what we have.”
“Oh, I do. But not enough to be dickmatized by it!…. If you haven’t realized, this is a company I’m running here; not a charity! If you want that position, you’re going to have to work hard, just like everyone else!…….” Passion peeped the game he was trying to run, the first night they met; a little over six months ago. “Oh, I know… you thought because we’ve been messin around, you could just ask me for what ever you wanted, and I would make it happen…..” Even though that is what he assumed would happen; he didn’t expect her to put two and two together so quickly.
“I’m sure you thought because I’m a little older than you and a woman, you would be able to play me. Sorry to inform you; I won before you even began. I knew that your little young a** was flirting with me because you believed me being a woman would constitute an easy take over for you. But I’ve played this game more times then you have. Every time I come out on top; sometimes literally and other times financially. And I’m gonna tell you now, this isn’t a game you’ll win. Now, can we get back to you pleasing me?!” Jaylen took a little to long to get back to the task at hand, so she interrupted his thoughts. “Ah…. that wasn’t a question!”
Part 2 will be up next Friday at 5am.
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Women and men need to be more selective of the people they choose to sleep with. It seems as if many people have not realized having sex, protected or unprotected could result in a baby or something worse. So I suggest if you can’t imagine yourself in that person’s life for the rest of yours or theirs, don’t go to bed with them; because children are a life long commitment.
There are and have been too many children born to single mothers. It’s a shame, when you start to realize just how many women had to take on the responsibility of raising a child when the men who get them pregnant are free to walk away. God forbid the mother of that child does that. I understand we hold women to a higher standard than men especially when children are involved. But who came up with the theory that the woman has to keep or take care of that child or those children; while the man is free to roam and get other women pregnant; if he so chooses?
I see that as totally unfair. What if the mother didn’t have the means to take care of that child? Or What if the child was a negative reminder of everything that went wrong in her life leading up to the time of conception, and she was a victim of rape? Are you telling me, that child should still be her responsibility?
I know the child isn’t the sin. The sin is in the act. But there is no man out here that would be okay with taking care of their rapist’s baby. I know that for a fact. Most men don’t want to take care of the children they have! How are they going to be willing to take care of a child of a person they hate?!
Many times that is the case for a lot of women out here. It’s not that they have been raped. It’s more so they’ve been led to believe the man they gave their body too, had as much love for them as they had. But quickly find out, soon as a baby is on the way the man changes his tune, because he doesn’t want the responsibility. Most men think it’s the woman’s responsibility anyway. That’s why I believe they think their presents isn’t needed. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Little girls need their fathers and so do little boys.
There is always a need for both parents to be in a child’s life. But often times we rob them of the opportunity, because of our selfishness. When you become a parent, you have to sacrifice sometimes for the child’s benefit. But what I constantly see are women and men who want to continue to live life like they don’t have a child that is depending on them to teach them right from wrong; and to be there in their time of need.
All I have to say is; “Grow up! If you can create it, you can take care of it.”
Let me know your feelings on this topic, and if their should be a part 2.
This gets on my last nerves…. I never understood why some women think it’s their place to fight over a man. I could only understand fighting over someone in the case of that person you’re fighting is trying to do something to harm your other half; but if they’re cheating that’s a ‘No Bueno’. There are women out here looking like fools fighting over men who clearly don’t want them. If you don’t see the signs, let me point some of them out for you.
Signs he doesn’t want your a** anymore
He lets you walk in with out trying to stop you; when he knows he has someone else he just had sex with or plans to have sex with, in the facility.
He hides nothing from you. You constantly find his phone unlocked with text messages, pictures, and calls from different people he has had sex with.
He’s affectionate to the person he was creeping on you with out in public; because in actuality a part of him wants to get caught so he can be done with you.
In the mist of a fight he sides with the other woman/man and helps them fight you.
There are so many more to add, but I think you get the point. What I’m trying to get people in situations like this to understand is: Love you more than you could ever love him, because at the end of the day your happiness is all that matters. If that happiness isn’t with him/her, so be it. Maybe you weren’t supposed to be with them in the first place. Know that love isn’t supposed to hurt and loving someone is supposed to build you up, never break you down. If that is happening in any relationship you have, you gotta to put on your big boy/ big girl draws and walk away from them and that situation. Think about it like this: A relationship is like a job. If it no longer serves you; why are you putting in your time and effort for something that you aren’t going to reap the benefits for? I understand emotion can make you do some crazy things, but you need to eventually take over and think logically. I get wanting to save your first true love. Me for instance, I feel as if I did everything knowingly possible to save my past relationship; but he just wasn’t into saving us like I was. That’s why it’s important to pay attention and watch a persons actions to find out if their intentions for you are the same as your intentions for them. Let them lead with action rather than words because it’s a whole lot easier to say “I love you”, “I only want you”, and “I wanna marry you one day” rather putting in the work to show that you hold a special place in their heart and life.
I really hope this helps someone who might be on the fence about leaving a toxic relationship.
Have you ever gone through a time in life when you thought it was okay to fight theaccomplice and not your other half for what they did?
If so, how did you feel when it was all said and done?
This may be a little off topic, but I was thinking of how everyone has an opinion about black women, especially the black men that share the same melanin with us. There are so many men out here who feel dating a black woman is a last resort. I have a couple of questions for you:
Why is dating a woman who shares something so intimate as your struggle unappealing?
Did you not love your mother?
Do you secretly believe you’re unlovable and unattractive? Is that why you don’t find women that share physical and emotional qualities with you attractive?
Are black women deemed unattractive because we remind you of the real problems you’re trying to run away from when you date, marry, love, or impregnate someone of a lighter complexion?
Or could it be what others believe; constant manipulation over the years has turned us against each other?
I understand some men just prefer a woman that looks least like them; sometime for no particular reason. But the men that say they want to marry outside of their race because they want children with loose curly hair, light complexion, green or blue eyes; or because they have this notion that all black women are ghetto and have little to no etiquette or those who feel black women represent the struggle in every since of the word. I just wanna say that every black woman is not the same. There are so many men out there whether they be Black, White Spanish, Indian, Chinese, they will not date certain women because of what they heard about them. Many times it’s not because of things they experienced, it’s merely based off of something someone else said, or one bad run in with a woman of a race different than their own. How is it possible to judge a entire race on one encounter with someone who doesn’t share your ethnicity, culture, religion, or sex? What people need to start realizing is that everyone is an individual, not every white person is going to act the same, just like not every Chinese person is going to act the same. Everyone has free will, that means we all have the right to choose how we are going to live this life and who we’re going to spend it with.
I remember years ago a family member asked me why I liked dating a specific culture. She made it seem like there was something wrong with the type of man that I chose to date, and because of that I tried dating different types of men, but something about me and them just did not mix. So I went back to dating the type of man I felt comfortable with, and I have to say; 4 years lately I do not regret my decision. I say that to only prove that you are the only one who knows what your heart needs, if it’s someone that doesn’t share the same culture, skin, ethnicity, or whatever; so be it. You love who you love, but not loving women of your race because being with them reminds you of hard times, is a cop out. Love who you love, but let the love be real and authentic. So many people these days only marry and have children because they want something from the other person. I believe the only time to get married is when you have her back and you know she has yours, and there’s love and understanding there; the same goes for when you have children.
I also would like to add, don’t deny the chance to get to know or date someone because they’re not what you would typically go for. You never know they could be exactly what you need.