Hope you’re enjoying your Christmas break, for those of you who were lucky enough to get one (me).
As I always say this time of year is for loving those who are in your life. And if you don’t have anyone else to love, love yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe it’s just not your time yet to have someone special, but that time is coming. If that isn’t a main concern for you and you have parents, brothers, sisters, cousins to love on; that’s a beautiful thing too.%MCEPASTEBIN%
But the truth about this time of year is you want someone to share those timeless experiences with. That’s why I really believe we get into and stay in relationships that aren’t working for us, some of us anyway. Then there are others who have been blessed with their Mr. or Ms. Right from farther than they can remember.
I know I speak about being attached a lot, that’s because I really would love to have found my husband by now, but these men out here in South Florida be playing games. So I’m gonna keep doing what I can do; and that is focusing on how I can make this life better for me so I won’t have to go through a life full of struggle.
My whole point for this post is: you don’t have to be attached to someone to have a nice or exciting holidat experience. The bright sit is there are far more things you can do while single that you would never be able to do while in most relationships. So instead of looking at the negative focus on the benefits. You might actually enjoy yourself.
I’m sure I said this before; but you have to get a little uncomfortable to be comfortable. What that means is there are going to be somethings you’re not going to want to do, because it doesn’t pay or it seems to be tedious and a big waste of time. But those are the things you’re going to have to do to get to the places in life you want to be.
As many of us later on find out, life isn’t as easy as some people make it look. Sometimes you feel like your head is barely above the surface. Expenses keep pilling, responsibility seems to keep increasing, but the pay stays the same. Over and over we go through the feelings of worry, frustration, anger, and depression; and not always in that order.
I’ve been told many time that I take everything and everyone in my life to seriously. I’ve been told to lighten up many times; advice I really need to learn to apply to my everyday life. If I don’t, I fear I’m going to make myself sick from worry. But how can the girl who indirectly plans every interaction make this change and let things just happen? I don’t know but I’m willing to learn.
So when I say “Do what you have to do, so later you can do what you wanna do” That means go through all the rough and uncomfortable shifts early, so that by the time you’re in your late 30’s early 40’s you can be comfortable and have your money work for you.
Once this happens for me, I fear I won’t know what to do with myself; in a good way. Just think about it; arriving at a point of wealth many people do not get the chance to obtain.
The only things I want are to have my huge condo, over looking the water, spacious bathroom; tub separated from the show. The main feature of the show is it’s an over the head shower in the center of the bathroom, with a sky light. The last thing a lap dog and to take care of every single person in my family who has and continues to struggle.
Wealth can be built, but you have to be willing to take the risk
I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but it just feels like a thorn in my side!
You know how you work and work, and it still seems like you’re still not working enough? Like no matter how many hours you dedicate to your job, you just can’t seem to make enough. That is especially true if you don’t have a degree or a special talent or personality people are willing to see or engage with. Yep, there are many of us who partake in working a jobs we know are, for the lack of a better word ‘pimpin’ us. Well, that is what it seems to feel like when you get your check. This is especially true if you’ve put in extra time, hoping for time and a half. Then find out all that does is make more taxes come out of your check.
I swear, I get happy just to get disappointed. I’m sure my realist are thinking “If you hate it that much; why not leave?” See the problem with this is, if you leave you have to make sure you have something that is going to give you the same amount, preferably more. Many times that isn’t easy to find. Even if you are able to find something that pays more, most likely it would be hard to get or you’re not qualified.
Long story short, if you want to elevate yourself, you’re going to have to elevate and change your thinking. Only positive and open thinking provokes change.
I know many times life isn’t easy (Mine damn sure isn’t). But once you begin to take more risks and stop being so by the book, it proves to be way more rewarding than you could ever imagined it could.
Like I’ve heard so many times before, “With great struggle comes great reward.”
This may be a little off topic, but I was thinking of how everyone has an opinion about black women, especially the black men that share the same melanin with us. There are so many men out here who feel dating a black woman is a last resort. I have a couple of questions for you:
Why is dating a woman who shares something so intimate as your struggle unappealing?
Did you not love your mother?
Do you secretly believe you’re unlovable and unattractive? Is that why you don’t find women that share physical and emotional qualities with you attractive?
Are black women deemed unattractive because we remind you of the real problems you’re trying to run away from when you date, marry, love, or impregnate someone of a lighter complexion?
Or could it be what others believe; constant manipulation over the years has turned us against each other?
I understand some men just prefer a woman that looks least like them; sometime for no particular reason. But the men that say they want to marry outside of their race because they want children with loose curly hair, light complexion, green or blue eyes; or because they have this notion that all black women are ghetto and have little to no etiquette or those who feel black women represent the struggle in every since of the word. I just wanna say that every black woman is not the same. There are so many men out there whether they be Black, White Spanish, Indian, Chinese, they will not date certain women because of what they heard about them. Many times it’s not because of things they experienced, it’s merely based off of something someone else said, or one bad run in with a woman of a race different than their own. How is it possible to judge a entire race on one encounter with someone who doesn’t share your ethnicity, culture, religion, or sex? What people need to start realizing is that everyone is an individual, not every white person is going to act the same, just like not every Chinese person is going to act the same. Everyone has free will, that means we all have the right to choose how we are going to live this life and who we’re going to spend it with.
I remember years ago a family member asked me why I liked dating a specific culture. She made it seem like there was something wrong with the type of man that I chose to date, and because of that I tried dating different types of men, but something about me and them just did not mix. So I went back to dating the type of man I felt comfortable with, and I have to say; 4 years lately I do not regret my decision. I say that to only prove that you are the only one who knows what your heart needs, if it’s someone that doesn’t share the same culture, skin, ethnicity, or whatever; so be it. You love who you love, but not loving women of your race because being with them reminds you of hard times, is a cop out. Love who you love, but let the love be real and authentic. So many people these days only marry and have children because they want something from the other person. I believe the only time to get married is when you have her back and you know she has yours, and there’s love and understanding there; the same goes for when you have children.
I also would like to add, don’t deny the chance to get to know or date someone because they’re not what you would typically go for. You never know they could be exactly what you need.
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Why do some people believe they have the right to talk about something on someone else’s body? I don’t care what it is. In this case it is black women’s hair. I came across a video of a video picking apart the person who said the harsh things about black women’s hair. I know we are suppose to have freedom of speech. But, how are you going to talk about something you don’t have, let alone understand?! So you couldn’t possibly understand the struggle the people who own this type of hair, face. This person used descriptions such as dirty, smelly, ratty, and plenty of other unflattering words to describe an average black woman’s hair. But when it comes to describing someone of his race’s hair he had plenty of positive things to say.
There was a point in the video he presented a woman with braids. He started laying into her. Saying “Her hair must stink, because there’s no way she’s able to wash her hair daily, with that type of style.” I’m not going to lie, that made my blood boil. I just wanted to scream. See, the problem with people who don’t hang around or know people of other races is, they are left with their own thoughts about those outside of their race, and most times because their left with their thoughts, they believe their thoughts are right. Although not washing your hair two to three or more times a week can be seen as dirty to someone with a straighter hair type, such as a 1a to a 3b. It’s not viewed as so to those with 3c to 4c hair types. Reason being, we understand what our hair needs.
For someone with a frizzier hair texture such as a 4c, washing the hair daily promotes breakage. As we know, curly hair is the hair type most prone to breakage. We wear our hair in braids, twists, and various other styles to preserve it. I get you may not understand that, if you’re someone who doesn’t have naturally tight curly or kinky hair. All I’m saying is to keep your opinions to yourself, if you don’t know what you’re talking about. But if you’re willing to learn or want to learn more about kinkier or curlier textures, it doesn’t hurt to ask. Just make sure you’re asking in a respectful manner.
Also, black women are told daily what is deemed acceptable and what isn’t, most times by those who don’t look like them. I don’t think our hair should be one of those things. As long as it is neatly maintained, there is nothing else to say. People always want to give an opinion where it isn’t warranted. If you haven’t struggled to get a comb through your hair or struggled to do your hair because it’s so curly the strands wrap around each other, causing what some may consider naps. You have nothing to say to me or to the women that occupy this type of hair.
Further more, why should I have to make myself uncomfortable to maintain a high paying job? Yes, hair plays a really big part when it comes to getting a good job for women with darker skin and tightly curled hair. So much so, it is suggested that these women either where wigs or get their hair altered chemically, which is permanently straightened until the hair is cut off or putting heat to the hair to straighten it. Both are capable of causing irreparable damage, one more so than the other.
My question to you is…..
“Why must a person change to be deemed acceptable?”
Below is a video of black women wearing various protective styles. F.Y.I this is done to preserve the hair to promote growth. Also down below is a list of hair products that have proved to work on textures ranging from 3c to 4c.
List of hair products that I’ve used, and some I haven’t