I hope everyone is being careful and spending time with those they love.
Let me start by saying, “I love therapy!” I’ve always known I needed it. But to finally get it is a high like no other. There are things that have happened through my life I couldn’t make sense of or just needed some help working through. With therapy I feel that little girl in me coming alive. I’m still not exactly sure if I’m completely happy about that. One thing I am happy about is, getting to understand myself a lot better, being able to understand my behaviors and why I feel what I feel in certain situations.
I had not realized until yesterday that I’ve been in some really uncomfortable and toxic situations. All this time I thought the things I went through were normal. Mainly because all I really know is toxicity; when it comes to male female relationships. So in my adult life that is what I expected and deep down accepted.
Through this process I’ve been made aware struggle love isn’t necessary. I am capable of being in a relationship that serves me and not the other way around. I’m sure I’ve written about this before, but I’m writing about it again because I feel I understand it a little better.
We go through struggle love because it’s all we know. This is why a lot of unhealthy decisions are made; because whether we realize it or not, we’re making the same choices our parents made. It didn’t work for them and most likely it won’t work for us. But we continue to go around and around in a circle, until we receive help to learn there is a better way to go about life.
Codependency is a silent killer, and if you continue to put others before yourself you will always get the same result time and time again.
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Like you, I have stressors in life. Work is one of them. That’s why I don’t love my job. I’ve been working with child for close to 10 years now. Like I always say I love working with the baby’s, it’s the adults I have a problem with. Working with adults becomes my problem because I always feel like a disagreement is going to turn into something more than a that. So I bite the bullet and just suffer in silence.
At first it didn’t get to me as much, but over time it is starting to really piss me off . I try to take the high road but people believe because I don’t disagree or have anything negative to say that I’m a dimwit. That is far from the truth honey. I keep my mouth closed and my feelings bottled up, because I know if I was to say what was really on my mind some feelings would be hurt. Instead of me hurting someone else’s feeling mine get hurt, because through all the pain I’ve learned not to let others see my pain unless I allow them too.
Over the years I’ve gotten so good at not expressing myself that sometimes it’s hard too. That’s why I believe it’s high time for me to see someone regarding my mental health. My mother always wants me to tell her my problems. I’m sure you already know why that is a “No go”.
I really believe speaking to someone about the things I’ve experienced, and the thoughts and feelings I have is going to be a great change of pace. It might be the very thing I need. I know there’s a stigma behind talking to someone regarding your feelings and mental stability. But we all need to talk to someone every now and again.
I have yet to experience it, but it feels good to know soon I’ll be in the company of someone who has a passion for listening and helping others with their problems. Too many times I’ve tried to talk to the people around me, and they’ve either cut me off to talk about something that interests them or they use everything I say as ammo or to benefit themselves.
So this will be a really great change in pace. Maybe This will help with my anxiety, feelings of depression, my self image, and my possible ADHD.
We all go through things. What counts is how you rise above every heart break, all the physical, mental, and emotional abuse and how you choose to live life after experiencing these things. Don’t get it twisted even the strongest of us needs some counsel. So don’t believe speaking to someone makes you weak because it doesn’t.
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Mental health in the Black Community. It’s something that isn’t talked about as much as it should be. There are so many of us walking round trying to act like we have it all together, but we know that isn’t true. There are problems with every race of people, but the difference between them and people of the Black Community is, they get help when they need it. Pride isn’t the number one concern for them. To be honest, I think therapist are under utilized. All those thoughts in your head need to get out, sometimes that’s what’s driving you crazy. Having someone listen to your problems and ideas has always helped ease pressure, pain, and sadness.
It’s not like therapy is a new concept, but for people of color it was always taught not to go and tell other people your business. That maybe another reason why so many people of color have a large amount of unresolved issues within their community. It doesn’t hurt to seek help, if you belief you need it. Let us not make that a stigma. Mental health is just like any other illness. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed that you need to speak to a professional about your mental health and clarity.
Below is a video of The Breakfast Club interviewing Taraji P. Henson and Tracie Jenkins. The two women run down a list of the way mental health is not talked about enough through out the Black Community, also how mental health has affected their lives.
I hope this helps people to realize they are not the problem. They just need someone to listen to them and help them through their problems.
And for those of you who would like to know the name of Taraji P. Henson’s foundation, it’s The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation (BLHF). I’m only citing this foundation because I believe she’s doing this for the right reasons. Once I find other foundations with pure intention I will list them at a later date.
Am I the only one that believes the way some men handle their emotions needs to change? There is a stigma with men and not being able to express their self. I know plenty people think about men and the way their emotions are going to come out in the long run. But what about the wives and girlfriends of these men that keep their emotions bottled up? Speaking as someone that has been in this situation before, it’s not fun.
I understand it isn’t good for the man because it causes them to act out in other ways. For example: high blood pressure, depression, becoming abusive either verbally or physically, cheating, and the list grows. Men need to start expressing their self to people closest to them, so their family, friends or lover could know what’s going on with them. That is the hardest thing to deal with, having someone you want to share everything with and can’t because they have a wall up. There’s no way for that relationship to grow when you emotionally can’t be open with the person you supposedly love. So many things come from people not being able to express their self. I understand that it isn’t just men, but that’s who this post is directed towards.
A lot of these abusive relationships come from men that have been hurt and don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m sure a lot of us don’t think about that, but that’s what it is. There are so many things that could have played a role in the way a young man looks at the world and the people in it. I’ll give you a very real story that happened to someone close to me.
Jaylen was a little boy loving life. Living and enjoying being a little boy. Being that he was very young he hadn’t encountered anything or anyone who meant him harm. That was until his mother fell in love with a man she thought was the love of her life. This man seemed like the perfect gentlemen for the first couple of months to year. But what the mother didn’t know was this man was more interested in her son than he was in her. Months went by, the mother continued to be blindly in love. Signs of sexual abuse constantly got dropped in her lap, but she paid little to no attention to them, not wanting to face reality and thinking to highly of the man and not trusting in her baby. Also not realizing this once little bubbly, energetic, ball of joy, changed. Do to what’s been happening to him, he had become depressed, angry and didn’t trust anyone. But by the time the mother figured it out, it was too late. The pain and anger had already set in.
There are so many problems with this situation. For one, the mother saw the signs, but did nothing because she didn’t want to face reality. But the biggest problem was she didn’t offer her son anyway to heal from the pain. Most likely she didn’t know what to do to help him heal, she didn’t believe him, or she didn’t care. I’m sure many people are probably thinking “How could she not care that someone raped her little boy?!” or “How could she not believe him?!” It’s very possible.
But the problem is whatever the case was, you now have this very angry confused little boy who grows up to be this angry confused man. Who doesn’t know how to deal with his anger. So he goes out and hurts other people, because hurt people, hurt people. Or he suffers in silence because he feels so much pain that he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. Or the one I think rings most true; He’s too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit the nightmares he experienced as a child, because he may feel it makes him appear less of a man.
We have to work on making our men feel like men, especially when they were put in situations they didn’t have the power to change. Let them know what they went through is not who they are. It’s something they went through, and over came. Also be there for them when they’re ready to open up about things that’s bothering them in their past, present or future. They will love you even more for that. And remember when he tells you something critical, you don’t have the right to tease him about it or bring it up in an argument, no matter how mad you get. That’s going to cause him to shut down and go further into depression.
In conclusion, therapy works wonders. If you have a problem and need someone to talk to and you either have the money or the insurance to do so, go see a therapist. Let them help you work your life out. Even if you don’t have money or insurance find someone you trust and that’s willing to listen, and pour your heart out. You don’t realize it now, but getting all that bad energy out helps you move forward in life. Your spouse will be extremely happy you did. Never feel like you have to hold things back from your therapist because in the end, your only hurting yourself.