There are thoughts that have been swirling around in my mind for years. First one:
“Am I capable of making it on my own?”
This is and has been a huge concern of mine my whole adult life. I believe it’s something I constantly think about because I’ve never lived alone in all my 38 years on this earth.
The other thing that makes me question whether I have what it takes to make it is my procrastination. It’s baaaad! Really bad. There have been countless times that there’s something I have to do, but don’t because I continuously push that thing further and further back until I never do it. That’s the main reason when things are do I go in to a panic mode; because I never do things ahead of time. If I did, it would save me the unnecessary stress.
The other things I think of often are “Will I ever make it being my own boss” and the other is “Will I be alone forever?” For as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted to be my own boss. The thing that constantly sets me back is constantly trying and starting NEW things. I ‘ve realized I do this because I’m trying to find a way to make it out of a 9 to 5. Really doesn’t matter what 9 to 5 it is, I don’t want any of those! I really just want to pour in to something and in return that thing reward me and pour back into me.
Then with the thought of possibly being alone for the rest of my life… that is something I’m kind of looking forward to at the time. I’m just not sure how I’m gonna feel about that in the long-term. One thing’s for certain though, many men feel like women and many women are acting like men. It’s almost like we’ve switched roles. Just for clarification, I’m not speaking of every man. I’m only speaking of those that believe a woman is equal to a man in worth in every single way. Also those women and men who don’t recognize how important the union between a man and a woman is.
The problems I see arise these days when women and men enter into a relationship together, many times the man is putting out feminine energy and the woman is putting out masculine energy. In my opinion this seems to happen when boys get babied and girls get raised.
If you feel that isn’t a true statement, please make sure to leave a comment and it will be a topic on the podcast.
Loyalty is something not a lot of people know about these days. So many people seem to have an attitude that surrounds themselves. Many times it’s like f*** you, if you can’t give me what I want. I’m sure everyone isn’t like this. But most of the people I run into, aside from my family and a few friends are this way. I’ve realized that you can show people nothing but love and loyalty and they will still give you their a** to kiss; sometimes literally.
I’m not going to act like every person in my life is like that. If I did, that just wouldn’t be true. But for those people out there who take advantage of someone because they are loyal, empathetic, trustworthy, and trusting; How are you able to look yourself in the mirror everyday? I really want to know. It seems the older I get the less I can find someone I can really trust. At times I’m so thankful to have the type of family I do, the mother I have, and the man I’m with; because these are all people that I can trust with my life. I know these people don’t want to see anything, but me succeed.
The sad part is, I had to go through friendships and relationships where people were only befriending me to get something out of it. When you have been through times where you’re dating someone and they’re blatantly using you for money, sex, and to fill the days of their boredom or friends who say their your friend but when you need them they’re no where in sight, but are their as soon as you’re able to give them something. it makes you realize that you’re only a filler to them; someone to call when they’re bored and who is easy to manipulate. They don’t really care about you, only what you can do for them. What really hurts is not realizing it until you get older and the damage is done.
Many times I meet people and they’re often times taken aback by how honest, caring, and compassion I am. I have a tendency to treat everyone like they matter, because to me they do. Where as other people feel, ‘I respect you if you respect me.’ I’ve tried to be that type of person, but that just isn’t me. I know many times I wear my heart on my sleeve; and I’ve come to appreciate that’s just the way I am. Also I can be a little to truthful; that’s how I lost my job, being honest. When you’re growing up, you’re told honesty is the best policy, but later on find out that is many times furthest from the truth.
I apologize for this not being an uplifting post. I really just wanted to write down how I feel.
I may talk about this constantly, but I believe service workers don’t get treated with the type of respect they deserve, most times. I understand some of them deserve a little of what they put out there but not all of them.
There are so many stories I could tell, when it comes to working in a service position. I think I’m going to be letting a little bit, scratch that a lotta bit out. I have been working in public service for over twenty years. I know how to do service with a smile pretty well. But there are still people who want to tell you how to do your job. I’m not here for it, at all. For the most part I’ve been very kind, polite, nice and what every other words can be thought of to describe niceness. I’m tired of giving A1 customer service and most people don’t care what they say or do in front of you or to you because you’re there to serve them or so they believe. Truth really be told, initially I’m here for a pay check. Serving you, the public was an after thought. I’m sure there are going to be other people out here saying I should be happy to have a job, but not when you get treated like crap most of the time you work there. Not just by the customers either, there are managers who believe they are high and mighty because of the position their in and like to throw their weight around. Fellow co-works who like to micromanage you because they have nothing else going on in their life. Then you have the customer. I know you shouldn’t carry a lot of emotional baggage with, but that is a treat I have. Most times I feel when other people are going through something. I don’t know how, I just do. Sometime I wish I could turn it off. But I can’t help but really want to know how someone really is. Looking back on this, it looks more like I need to change careers.
Don’t get me wrong I really use to love coming to work, but the constant disrespect starts to chip away at you. I’ve had things happen to me and friends I’ve worked with. I’ve had people through books at me. A co-worker of mine had someone grab her by her collar. She’s a small girl, and this was a big 6’2 man who did this. All because he wanted her to ring him up, and she politely told him she was closed. There are so many things people who work in public service go through on a daily. Those are only two examples, but I definitely have way more stories to tell. I guess you can say I’m writing this as a therapy to myself and also to let others know: When you see a cashier that’s either being rude or closed off, most times it’s because of the treatment they encountered while at work. I’m not saying to give them a pass for being rude. I’m just letting you know a little of the back round to understand why we operate the way we do.
I never realized it, but jobs change you. I’ve always been up beat and positive, but I think I’m changing because I’m getting older and starting to realize people are going to treat you how they want too. Most times regardless of how you treat them. It’s getting really exhausting being kind when you don’t have many others who reciprocate that. But that isn’t something I can stop doing because that is the type of person I am. So I’ll never change that.
If you made it to the end, I thank you for reading this long rant. If there’s anything else you would like to see on here, please let me know and I will definitely make it happen.