If you are one of the lucky ones like myself and are allowed frequent paid breaks from your job; I hope you’re enjoying this free time with every fiber of your being.
As for me, I want to enjoy myself. I just don’t know how.
Question: What childhood behavior or fear followed you to adulthood?
I’m not so sure I’ve written about this in depth, but I know I’ve written about it before.
Some may already know I have many fears. But the one I’ve developed from childhood is fear of authority figures ( especially men).
All though I’m grown and I have no one around me wanting to hurt me; it’s still a fear that lives in the back of my mind.
During this break all kinds of things have been going through my mind. Some good, some not so good. One thing’s for sure, I’m becoming more unmotivated as the days pass.
I’m sure this is happening because I’m back home. Don’t get me wrong I love being back home. I just hate the comfortability it gives me being here. It makes it hard to want to accomplish anything because I am provided the things I had to work so hard for, while I wasn’t here. I know that motivation should still be there. I have to be honest; it’s dwindling.
I know she loves me and wants me to stay a baby forever. But this struggle of being an adult with unresolved issues and childhood traumas and fears, are the things I hide behind when it comes to trying something new and exciting.
The Turn Around
After spending so many years living in my past I’m going to approach this coming year differently. Instead of holding on to past hurts and traumas I’m going to find new and creative ways to let them go.
A long time ago I realized I remain stagnant because I constantly listen to my own opinions, also the person I hang around the most is myself. How am I really suppose to change if I won’t allow new experiences to happen because I’m afraid of the possible outcome?
This is gonna be a real struggle, but it’s definitely something that needs to happen. I can’t have my inner world be richer and more vivid than my actual reality. I’m not going for it. I need and will only tolerate the type of life I would accept in my wildest dreams.
This is something I’ve been feeling for a long while, but have only had the courage to say up until recently.
I bring up courage because it takes courage to change and admit to yourself you live in the hurt because that’s what you know. Not only that it’s what you’ve become accustom and started to crave. This happens when hurt is what you’ve experienced the most. Over time you begin to crave it because it’s all you know.
Please keep in mind, hurt may have been what you’ve experienced and know better than happiness; but it doesn’t have to be. You can take that power back. Make life into what you believe it should be for you, at any point.
Never forget: How you choose to live is a mindset that can be changed at anytime. It’s like have a chest of treasure with a thousand keys. You know one fits, but you have to try them all till you find the one that fits.
That’s pretty much how life works. You have to go through life trying different (keys) until you find the one that unlocks the key to your treasure (happiness).
I hope you found something you can take away from this post.
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I hope everyone is well. I know it’s been a long while since I’ve posted something. As most of you know my health hasn’t been working to better me.
As of now I feel that is changing because I figured out what was wrong. Can you take a guess?…..
As the days go by I’m starting to feel a lot better. I have a doctor’s appointment, but that won’t be happening till the end of the month. So naturally I had to find something that was going to help me out in some way.
I can’t even begin to tell you the discomfort I’ve felt over the last couple of months. But I still found a way to push through.
During this time I’ve also realized there’s nothing to really be afraid of. The only thing any of us should be afraid of is lose of life.
That’s why I’m learning if there’s something you want to do, you need to go ahead and do it, because you never know if you’re going to have that chance again.
Just a quick little something. Blogs will be getting long and more in depth over the next few days.
It may sound a little corny for me to always start my posts with this. But I have to greet you all. It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.
I never want my blogs to be something you read just to pass time. I want them to always be something you can relate too. So here we go.
Recently I have changed my view on food in the most drastic way. For years I’ve struggled with eating healthier. It would usually only last for a couple of months.
What’s different about this time is; I feel like I’m fighting for my life.
As I said before I’ve always been interested in being fit.I just never cared enough to put in the work. Well times are changing and I realize now there is no other choice but to be fit and active.
This especially rings the truest now, because I’ve started to wake up to the fact I won’t be here forever. I’m sorry if that puts a bad taste in your mouth; but it’s true (I say this just incase you’re thinking your life expectancy).
For years I’ve hidden away from people. Secretly wanting to be noticed, but only for the good, never the bad. Also I was hiding from rejection and ever thing I could experience that would excite and scare me at the same time.
I’ve finally come to the realization that things are only as scary as you make them. The best way to over come that fear is to do it anyway. Think about the consequences later.
Many of us don’t realize this, but thinking is the thing that stops us from doing. I’m not saying thinking is a bad thing. But too much of it has the tendency to paralyze you, leaving you at a standstill. As a result Never accomplishing what you truly want out of life.
I hadn’t taken notice, but for a long time I’ve been caught up in the emotions of my past. I knew I had quite a few issues with the way I was brought up. But I never took inventory of my life. It wasn’t until I moved back home my “eyes” began to open and I started to see how I allowed past experiences to over power current encounters and situations.
So here’s to the future cause we got through the past.
If you need time to work on you. Take the time.
Also please take the time to look at life and really think on your current setup. Is this what you want or is it something else. If it is, the time to act is now.
How many people out here are living the life of your dreams?
I really want know if it’s possible. A part of me knows that it is possible. It’s just obstacles come up. Not like they’re big obstacles or anything. They are mainly emotions or fears we all have, that debilitate us to the point of never accomplishing our true GOD given gift.
What I’m praying to learn is how to go throughout life fearlessly accomplishing every goal I’ve ever had for myself.
If you’re someone like me who wants to live freely but don’t know how to, I would say the first step is to get out of your head and stop second guessing yourself.
Inclusion, make sure you’re living life regret free. It’s the best way to experience life (so I’ve heard).
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Today is going to be a great day!!! I was finally able to get internet service in the classroom 🤯!!! I can’t believe it!!!
Well let me get to the subject at hand.
Being 100 and 10% YOU.
This is something that seems to be next to impossible for most of us to do. We’re able to accomplish it; but it seems to only be when we’re around people we know and love. Many because we know they love us and we could never do anything too weird or out of the way that would make them want to take their love away. In other words; We trust them.
That’s all well and good, but we me included need to always be the person we are truly. It’s a hard task to manage, but I believe it is something that needs to be done.
That changes when you have people who come from different countries. I don’t know what it is, but many of them have learned to walk with confidence and stand in their truth; so it seems. I might be wrong. But I love the confidence and boldness of people who come from places like Puerto Rico, Haiti, The Dominican Republic and so on.
What makes the people so attractive and attention grabbing is their ability to behave or react freely. The whole time staying true to themself. Something I would really love to learn.
If you have found that spark and have learned to live as your 100 and 10% self, please pass the secret along.
I am going to remain positive. Sometimes the old way that your body handles conflict rises up and takes hold. Your job is to make sure you correct that way of thinking if it has a negativeimpact on you.
Sometimes you have to take things for what they are and then move on. I understand many of us want to be in control of every interaction and outcome. But you have to know the way a person chooses to react isn’t in your control. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you have to except it and move on.
It is not your job to make sure the next person is okay with you. It’s your job to make sure you’re okay with yourself before you concern yourself with someone else’s problem with you.
If you find yourself always trying to be in good grace’s with the next person that is a remedy for anxiety, overthinking and discomfort.
Please (for yourself) find other ways to cope with the discomfort that comes with putting you first. Your confidence will sore once you do.
As always I hope your day is extremely productive and pleasant.
I want to try something different. I want to give you who don’t know how it is to live with paranoia and different phobias and fears a series.
It won’t be too different from my posts now. For the most part I post what I’m experiencing at the current time. Well…. what I want to do is check in with y’all once a week letting you know how I’m dealing with my agoraphobia and paranoia.
So allow me to get this ball rolling. I’ve always been concerned with what others think of me. Many days it consumes me to the point of paralysis. It’s a constant struggle to allow others into my mental space.
I’ve never wanted to be a fully functional adult as bad as I want to now. Over the years I’ve allowed my childhood and different experiences from it to debilitate me from being a carefree spirit.
I know I have it in me, but it’s a struggle to let go of everything I’ve ever learned growing up. It weighs on me like a truck. At times I feel like I’m losing my mind!
The sad part is the only way I’ve managed to find a release is through my writing. The people around me don’t seem to realize how deeply the energy of others affects me.
I’m sure some may think I’m crazy. But like many things it’s debatable.
Well I have to bring this to a close. I have to go back.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing these feelings, please dont brush it off. You never know how deeply what you say may affect them.