Over the past week things have been hittin differently. I’m not sure if it was the car accident or my baby of 15 years passing or my car clunking out on me, that has me thinking of things a little different. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always had a mindset of working for myself. But this is the first time I’m choosing to act on it.
For years I’ve tried things, hoping that it would be my ticket out of Monotony Ville. To no avail I’m still where I started from; to be honest even lower. Reason being, I’ve allowed life to happen to me and not for me.
What that means is, I haven’t taken planned disciplined action towards goals I wanted and still want to accomplish. That was my first major mistake. In doing that I did myself a diservice.
I knew what it would take for me to make it. I just didn’t exercise what I knew. This was mainly because I wanted to find a faster way to make it. As a result of trying and failing to find a quicker way to make money, I lost way more then I’ve gained.
The plan is to now apply what I’ve learned and turn my negatives ( inconsistencies) to the life I’ve been dreaming of. The true goal is to keep one target in mind and hit it. I can’t tell you how many quote unquote “great ideas” I’ve had. But because of inconsistency I never saw them through. Because I was looking for the financial reward before putting in the work needed to receive it.
If you’re like me-looking for a quick way to obtain financial freedom. Please slow down. Learn how to focus on one goal at a time. I find that is a better way to set and achieve your goals.
At the current moment there are so many things going through my mind. To be honest I do this to myself. Things could be so much easier if I just trusted myself.
Over the years there have been so many things I wanted to try; but didn’t go all the way with because of fear. Truth be told if fear wasn’t a major factor for me, I would’ve been some where in the world living it up. I truly believe that.
Instead I’m here working a job that isn’t my passion and wracking my brain trying to figure out a way to get out of the current situation I’m in.
See I’ve always had ideas. Some I acted on, but never gave my all too. The reason that is, is do to not really believing in myself. I understand that’s my downfall.
I’m in this situation because I’ve trusted other people’s advice more than I’ve trusted my own. This is another reason I feel lost. But I’m slowly making my way back.
I understand it’s going to take loads of work for me to get in the headspace I need to be in, in order to succeed at life. And I’m okay with that.
We all go through it at some point in our life. But what really matters is what you do to get out of it.
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I’m sure you’re looking at the title and you’re like, ” Does that even make any sense?” To be honest, I wouldn’t have known anything like this existed if it wasn’t me going through it. It’s not fun, let me tell you that.
It’s like I love and care about everyone that I’ve ever come in contact with. But, most times I’m either afraid to say something or I’m on a crabby mood and I don’t want to say anything. Either way it’s uncomfortable.
If I weren’t so emotional and cared how others viewed me, I would be at peace right now. I wouldn’t be tormented by my interactions with others. Worry if I was nice enough, if I came off rude, or if they liked me.
What I’ve found out is; personality types such as the INFP( my personality type) are highly sensitive and are constantly seeking the approval from others. Learning this early on would have helped me realize why I’m so different from others.
I’m sure many probably won’t believe this is a real thing. But for me it has helped me a lot in realizing who I am . Also letting me know I’m not that weird because there are other people out there just like me.
If you’re a antisocial people person don’t fret because you have a friend in me.
If you are one of the lucky ones like myself and are allowed frequent paid breaks from your job; I hope you’re enjoying this free time with every fiber of your being.
As for me, I want to enjoy myself. I just don’t know how.
Question: What childhood behavior or fear followed you to adulthood?
I’m not so sure I’ve written about this in depth, but I know I’ve written about it before.
Some may already know I have many fears. But the one I’ve developed from childhood is fear of authority figures ( especially men).
All though I’m grown and I have no one around me wanting to hurt me; it’s still a fear that lives in the back of my mind.
During this break all kinds of things have been going through my mind. Some good, some not so good. One thing’s for sure, I’m becoming more unmotivated as the days pass.
I’m sure this is happening because I’m back home. Don’t get me wrong I love being back home. I just hate the comfortability it gives me being here. It makes it hard to want to accomplish anything because I am provided the things I had to work so hard for, while I wasn’t here. I know that motivation should still be there. I have to be honest; it’s dwindling.
I know she loves me and wants me to stay a baby forever. But this struggle of being an adult with unresolved issues and childhood traumas and fears, are the things I hide behind when it comes to trying something new and exciting.
The Turn Around
After spending so many years living in my past I’m going to approach this coming year differently. Instead of holding on to past hurts and traumas I’m going to find new and creative ways to let them go.
A long time ago I realized I remain stagnant because I constantly listen to my own opinions, also the person I hang around the most is myself. How am I really suppose to change if I won’t allow new experiences to happen because I’m afraid of the possible outcome?
This is gonna be a real struggle, but it’s definitely something that needs to happen. I can’t have my inner world be richer and more vivid than my actual reality. I’m not going for it. I need and will only tolerate the type of life I would accept in my wildest dreams.
This is something I’ve been feeling for a long while, but have only had the courage to say up until recently.
I bring up courage because it takes courage to change and admit to yourself you live in the hurt because that’s what you know. Not only that it’s what you’ve become accustom and started to crave. This happens when hurt is what you’ve experienced the most. Over time you begin to crave it because it’s all you know.
Please keep in mind, hurt may have been what you’ve experienced and know better than happiness; but it doesn’t have to be. You can take that power back. Make life into what you believe it should be for you, at any point.
Never forget: How you choose to live is a mindset that can be changed at anytime. It’s like have a chest of treasure with a thousand keys. You know one fits, but you have to try them all till you find the one that fits.
That’s pretty much how life works. You have to go through life trying different (keys) until you find the one that unlocks the key to your treasure (happiness).
I hope you found something you can take away from this post.
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I hope everyone is well. I know it’s been a long while since I’ve posted something. As most of you know my health hasn’t been working to better me.
As of now I feel that is changing because I figured out what was wrong. Can you take a guess?…..
As the days go by I’m starting to feel a lot better. I have a doctor’s appointment, but that won’t be happening till the end of the month. So naturally I had to find something that was going to help me out in some way.
I can’t even begin to tell you the discomfort I’ve felt over the last couple of months. But I still found a way to push through.
During this time I’ve also realized there’s nothing to really be afraid of. The only thing any of us should be afraid of is lose of life.
That’s why I’m learning if there’s something you want to do, you need to go ahead and do it, because you never know if you’re going to have that chance again.
Just a quick little something. Blogs will be getting long and more in depth over the next few days.
It may sound a little corny for me to always start my posts with this. But I have to greet you all. It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.
I never want my blogs to be something you read just to pass time. I want them to always be something you can relate too. So here we go.
Recently I have changed my view on food in the most drastic way. For years I’ve struggled with eating healthier. It would usually only last for a couple of months.
What’s different about this time is; I feel like I’m fighting for my life.
As I said before I’ve always been interested in being fit.I just never cared enough to put in the work. Well times are changing and I realize now there is no other choice but to be fit and active.
This especially rings the truest now, because I’ve started to wake up to the fact I won’t be here forever. I’m sorry if that puts a bad taste in your mouth; but it’s true (I say this just incase you’re thinking your life expectancy).
For years I’ve hidden away from people. Secretly wanting to be noticed, but only for the good, never the bad. Also I was hiding from rejection and ever thing I could experience that would excite and scare me at the same time.
I’ve finally come to the realization that things are only as scary as you make them. The best way to over come that fear is to do it anyway. Think about the consequences later.
Many of us don’t realize this, but thinking is the thing that stops us from doing. I’m not saying thinking is a bad thing. But too much of it has the tendency to paralyze you, leaving you at a standstill. As a result Never accomplishing what you truly want out of life.
I hadn’t taken notice, but for a long time I’ve been caught up in the emotions of my past. I knew I had quite a few issues with the way I was brought up. But I never took inventory of my life. It wasn’t until I moved back home my “eyes” began to open and I started to see how I allowed past experiences to over power current encounters and situations.
So here’s to the future cause we got through the past.
If you need time to work on you. Take the time.
Also please take the time to look at life and really think on your current setup. Is this what you want or is it something else. If it is, the time to act is now.
How many people out here are living the life of your dreams?
I really want know if it’s possible. A part of me knows that it is possible. It’s just obstacles come up. Not like they’re big obstacles or anything. They are mainly emotions or fears we all have, that debilitate us to the point of never accomplishing our true GOD given gift.
What I’m praying to learn is how to go throughout life fearlessly accomplishing every goal I’ve ever had for myself.
If you’re someone like me who wants to live freely but don’t know how to, I would say the first step is to get out of your head and stop second guessing yourself.
Inclusion, make sure you’re living life regret free. It’s the best way to experience life (so I’ve heard).
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Today is going to be a great day!!! I was finally able to get internet service in the classroom 🤯!!! I can’t believe it!!!
Well let me get to the subject at hand.
Being 100 and 10% YOU.
This is something that seems to be next to impossible for most of us to do. We’re able to accomplish it; but it seems to only be when we’re around people we know and love. Many because we know they love us and we could never do anything too weird or out of the way that would make them want to take their love away. In other words; We trust them.
That’s all well and good, but we me included need to always be the person we are truly. It’s a hard task to manage, but I believe it is something that needs to be done.
That changes when you have people who come from different countries. I don’t know what it is, but many of them have learned to walk with confidence and stand in their truth; so it seems. I might be wrong. But I love the confidence and boldness of people who come from places like Puerto Rico, Haiti, The Dominican Republic and so on.
What makes the people so attractive and attention grabbing is their ability to behave or react freely. The whole time staying true to themself. Something I would really love to learn.
If you have found that spark and have learned to live as your 100 and 10% self, please pass the secret along.