empowering · Experiences · Feelings · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · story telling · Thoughts

Change is gonna come

 

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“I love you! Don’t you get that?!”

Kayla was once again professing her love to Donovan. Something she did almost everyday. She loved him, but something wouldn’t let him except, let alone believe she could really love him.

Past relationships, broke his heart beyond repair. So now that he had someone who was really there for him and would never dare think of hurting him in anyway; he could not and would not believe it.

“Kayla I love you too. But you’re going to have to give me some time. Being with you has been like a dream. I have to be honest though; you are my dream girl in everyway…. except….”

Kayla had issues herself. She often found herself falling in love with men who were emotionally unavailable or extremely mentally and emotionally abusive. So far Donovan hadn’t seemed like he was either of the two. But they had only been together for 5 months.

Things with him had been so perfect, she was literally waiting for the other shoe to drop. She hoped it never would, but deep down she knew otherwise.

“Except what?!.. Spit it out!”

“Baby you know I love you?”

“Yeah… Just say it!”

“Baby…. you gotta work on your body.”

“What’s wrong with my body?! You always claimed you loved it before.”

True he had always seemed to be in love with every inch of her. But now that he had become comfortable with her and realized her loyalty; that’s when he knew it was a good time to dig his claws in.


1 YEAR LATER…..

“You changed. You aren’t the woman I thought I knew!”

Kayla hadn’t realized it, but she allowed herself to get lost in Donovan’s madness. In the beginning things were ideal. She loved and trusted him; he could do no wrong. She hadn’t realized it, but slowly she had become his chameleon. She learned how to bend and blend into the small pockets of space he allowed her.

By this time she learned all his likes and dislikes. There was very little she could say and do that wouldn’t upset or trigger a negative reaction.

The more time passed, the angrier and more detached he became. Things like random arguments about trivial things were common place. Right a long with Donovan taking multiple shots at Kayla’s self-esteem; through name calling, mostly pertaining to her weight. 

By this time Kayla had grown tired of his disrespectful underhanded antics. She wanted so badly to leave, but feared being a lone and loosing her independence.

How many of you are stuck in a situation that is unbearable? But you stay anyway because of your resistance to change or you believe the discomfort is only temporary and will eventually dissipate.

If that is the case, I’m sorry to tell you; you need to get more uncomfortable or even give up. In order for you to move through that or this dark time in your life to make it to the light.  

No one situation stays the same. 

Change will come….

 

If you let it.

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As Always

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Experiences · Feelings · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Thoughts · Venting

Stranger

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I thought I knew you. Looking back, I realize that was a silly assumption on my part.

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Signs of an Unhealthy relationship

You see, there are people who hide who they truly are. Then later on, that monster takes over the person you thought you knew. Things you once loved slowly turn into things you can’t stand. All because that monster picked it’s ugly head out. It seems nothing makes it happier than to catch you off guard. Once that happens, it make you feel uncomfortable and seemingly unwanted.

Once that happens there’s no reason to stay, or try to work things out. Unless you want to spend your days convincing someone who isn’t even on your level to love you and choose you. I don’t know about you… but I have way more life to live. I don’t have time, nor the energy or patience to cater to someone else’s insecurities.

KNOWING WHEN TO WALK AWAY

Years ago I remember watching a YouTube video. At the time I didn’t take it too seriously because it was meant to be a joke, but in all honesty that video carried a lot of weight. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was suppose to heed that message.

Image result for controlling boyfriendThe video was one warning women of what types of men to stay away from. The one closest to mine was the guy that was overly controlling and untrusting. I hadn’t realized it yet, but the longer we dated the more and more controlling and untrusting he became. In the beginning I believed it to be a sweet quality, because I never had someone care about my whereabouts & safety before; know one but my family. So naturally I basked in the attention. It wasn’t until much later I realized it was more about control than actual care.

Like they say you live and you learn. I have to say, I’ve learned plenty from this relationship. It taught me a very valuable lesson. Which is; “Never alter yourself to meet anyone else’s requirements, but your own.” It never works in the end if you do.

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empowering · Experiences · Feelings · motivational · Short stories

Be true to you

I’m sure if you’ve ever read any of my blog posts you would know, I’ve always wanted to be a best selling author. That is also true till this day. I’m sure I haven’t made it so to my inconsistency. But through the grace of God, I’m sure that’s going to change.

You see, I’ve always been someone who loves to love and feel loved. For some reason I didn’t realize you can give and receive love from more than your significant other. I mean I knew that; I believe I just didn’t value love from friends and family as much as I did from a man.

Now that I’ve realized love from friends and family is just as valid and important as love from a spouse, I finally except that I don’t need someone else to feel complete. The only thing I need is to except myself and love me better than anyone else ever could. The sad truth is; you will have someone who will love you. Hell, you may have a whole tribe of people out here who really care about you and love you; but you have to love and understand what you want and don’t want before you decide to enter into any kind of relationship with anyone.

I believe that is a huge reason many women end up in dead end situationships with men they thought loved them and wanted to spend the rest of their life with them. The problem is; most of us aren’t honest with ourselves or honest with the person we’re entering into that relationship with. That’s why we waste so much time, because we’re waiting for them to do what we think the should be doing if they really loved us and wanted to be with us. Rather than telling that man or woman exactly what it is you want to gain from that relationship. So many times we assume that we are on the same page, without actually confirming we are.

I also believe it starts off as friendship there’s a better chance of lasting and turning into much more. Part of the reason I believe that to be true is; getting to know someone with out sex being on the table, helps you to care more about getting to know that person. Rather than only want to sleep with them because they’re attractive. You focus is redirected to, and that is always a good thing. It’s better then thinking what’s between your legs will keep a man or woman. In the end you’ll find that to not be true.

Keep this in mind: Every man and woman are looking for different things in a life long partner. Some may want someone who is charismatic, or loves to travel, or loyal. The point is, if that person doesn’t turn out to have the qualities that you are looking for in a mate, it is completely fine to call it quits. Sometimes you may not want to because the person was such a great person. Keep in mind if you do decide to stay with that person, you’re not going to live up to your full potential.

Inconclusion, if you’re with someone who had you fooled; someone who made you believe they wanted all the same things, then come to find out they want none of the things you want out of life; leave. Many times what happens is we compromise. There’s nothing wrong with compromise, but many times once you start compromising you become the person who is not living their life authentically, because you’re stuck trying to make your man or woman happy.

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As Always

empowering · Experiences · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts · Venting

Dating a Woman or Man CHILD

Good Morning!!!

Hope everyone is doing well…

There was a question that I needed the answer too. Not really needed the answer, but wanted the answer. And that question is,

“Have you ever or do you currently date someone that you feel more like a father or mother to rather than a spouse?”

If so, why do you think that is? I have a theory.

Theory 1: Many of us end up with this type of person because deep down we want someone who’s gonna need us just a little more than we need them.

Theory 2: We weren’t quite aware that being with this person would be so demanding. So in essence, we got blind sided.

There are plenty of possibilities, but those are two that make the most sense to me.

I didn’t want to exclude the men out, because I’m both sex’s have had to deal with someone who wasn’t taking on the kind of responsibility required for their age or that relationship. If you still aren’t feeling what I’m saying, let me give you an example. Okay…. let’s say you and your partner have been together for a very long time, and the longer you stay together the more demands they require from you. Things like; “Where are you going?” “When are you coming back?” “Don’t eat this or that.””There’s no need for you to leave this house for more than 4 hours.” “If I’m not home write a note letting me know where you are.” Then the death blow; silent treatment.

If you have experienced being with someone like this, it almost feels like you’re the child and they’re the adult. But it’s really more like having a new born baby who is in need of you every moment of every day. At first it can seem cute, but over time, it starts to really work on your nerves and self-esteem. Self-Esteem because, it’s only you and him most times; because to many outings may set him off. Then sometimes this may lead to what I mention earlier; silent treatment. 

I’ve been given silent treatment so often that it’s become a norm. I know it shouldn’t be. But the good thing is, I’ve learned not to internalize it. 

The Silver Lining

I’ve learned I don’t really need anyone else. It would be nice but it isn’t mandatory.

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As Always,

empowering · Experiences · Feelings

Moving on

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I gave you what you asked for but it wasn’t what you wanted, let alone what you needed. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have been with you. I would have realized that life with you was just to good to be true.

Now here we are 5 yrs in and I’m wishing I never met you. I swear sometimes you’re crazy; or is that what you want me to believe? You said you wanted someone that would be true to you, someone who would never lie. I gave you that and much more, but it feels because of my honest nature you’re taking advantage of that. I can’t deal. There are so many things that you’ve done already that has got me reconsidering a life long partnership with you.

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I know that with you I’m going to have to give up my dreams and that is just not an option. Never has been never will be. And if you really want to be with me that is the way it is going to be point blank period. I’m tired of feeling like I’m your child when I’m suppose to be your woman. If you want a child, you need to take care of the one you have. Go tell them what to do because this a grown ass woman over here! Who needs no supervision.

Image result for strong woman quotesEven though I say this, I know that you’re going to continue to act the way you act because you can’t get passed the women who hurt you in the past. And I just will not let that be my cross to bare. Some other woman who is willing to deal with you and your crazy reasoning is going to have to endure your constant accusations and silent treatment, because it won’t be me! I’ve got to many places I want to go, to many experiences I want to have and to much money to make to be sitting here letting you drag me down with you.

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