Short stories

Figuring it out

Good Evening

 

I know this is a little different. I’m so used to writing posts in the morning that it seems a little foreign for me to be writing one right now, but I had to do it.

As always I have a lot on my mind. As you should already know, I’ve moved out of my one bedroom one bath apartment, about 2 weeks ago. I didn’t occupy it alone, I was living with my now ex-boyfriend. Some people may have considered it to be a little messed up the way I left that situation, but I don’t because the way he got me to agree to be on the lease was messed up.

I just say; if you’re not able to pay anything on your own do not agree to share anything with someone you think you are not able to trust totally. Right now I’m in a situation I had no idea I was going to be in. I thought once I moved out and returned the keys that I was in the clear. But now I find out that I’m on the hook for paying for any kinds of damage he may have caused or is causing in that space we both once shared. Like I stated before; I moved out 2 weeks ago and he’s still there.  The thing that has me responsible is the fact that I was the primary for the signing of the lease. At the time I didn’t know what that meant. I learned over time that I am responsible for any and everything that happens with that apartment. Lesson learned! Ill never be doing that again with anyone other than my husband.

I guess sometimes you just have to experience things for yourself. I’ve done that! I’m just hoping this will not be a costly mistake on my part. I’m hoping that he will do the right thing and either move out or renew the lease with only him on it.

Why we could not share the same space any longer.

He ended up being something completely different than what I expected. When we first got together he made it seem as if he was the sweetest person in the world. Then his claws started to show 3yrs in. We had to end up moving, because of constant break-ins.

He told me to checkout a couple different apartment complexes. I finally found one I loved and want to move into. I didn’t know it at the time but he was milking me for what ever he could. When I look back I realized there was nothing I did not do that he asked. I spent so much money trying to make sure he was happy. In return he lost that appreciation he once had for me.

By the end of the 1st year of us living in our new apartment that we both signed for, he wasn’t talking to me. He made me feel as if it was a privilege for him to sign on for another year, At the time I thought it was just a rough patch, not thinking much of it. Then maybe 2 weeks after renewing the lease he pretty much called it quits.

By this time I was over the having to kiss his ass so he would talk to me. So I left it just as it was. I guess he thought he could keep talking to me like I didn’t matter and I would stay. I knew that day I had “NO” intention of spending another miserable year with his lame, boring, trifling ass!

So…. I just say if you are thinking about moving in with a girlfriend or boyfriend, please learn from me. Do not! Make sure you can obtain a space by yourself first.

 

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As Always

Short stories

Gullible

Good Morning!!

Like I say, “I never know how to start these things out.” There is so much on my mind. When is there not?

Gullibility Test Cartoons and Comics - funny pictures from ...Recently I was thinking of how you have people who come into your life that main intentions are to use you. You don’t see it at first because you’re trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. It makes it even worse when you’ve known that person for years and realize you were nothing more than a check on their to do list.

I myself always try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. That’s why I got taken advantage of so many times growing up, not just in relationships but with ‘friends’ that turned out to be mere acquaintances. At the time I couldn’t see clearly. I thought helping others out was a requirement if you called that person your friend; so I did what I could, most times. Many times giving too much of myself for the benefit of others. At the time I thought everyone cared just as much about me as I cared about them. The older I become the more I realized, that wasn’t the case. Now I know everyone wasn’t raised like me.

There are people that I’ve grown up with that will never see me more than where I came from. It hurt to come to that realization, but it is what it is. There’s nothing I can do about it. All I can do is live my life the best I know how.

gullibility hashtag on TwitterIt amazes me to know there are people that will take any bit of compassion they feel or see from others and turn it into a weakness. For many years I’m sure those around me thought because I’m compassionate and kind that I’m weak. That could be no further from the truth. See my compassion makes me that much stronger; because whether you realize it or not it takes strength to be vulnerable. Strength comes from the love, care, devotion, and compassion you display towards others, regardless of circumstance.  It’s easier to be mean because you’re basically shutting yourself off, then only allowing those in, you believe won’t hurt you.

Don’t misunderstand, I get why some people live their lives that way; I just can’t. I love to spread love so even though I can’t stand men right now, doesn’t mean I’m gonna be a bitch to them because of my past encounters with other men; just means I’m gonna be more selective about the type of men I choose to interact with. Same thing with friends, I’m not gonna cut myself of from making new friends. I’m just going to be more selective about who I call my friend.

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As Always

 

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empowering · Experiences · Feelings · health · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · story telling · Thoughts

Change is gonna come

 

Image result for beautiful couple black

 

“I love you! Don’t you get that?!”

Kayla was once again professing her love to Donovan. Something she did almost everyday. She loved him, but something wouldn’t let him except, let alone believe she could really love him.

Past relationships, broke his heart beyond repair. So now that he had someone who was really there for him and would never dare think of hurting him in anyway; he could not and would not believe it.

“Kayla I love you too. But you’re going to have to give me some time. Being with you has been like a dream. I have to be honest though; you are my dream girl in everyway…. except….”

Kayla had issues herself. She often found herself falling in love with men who were emotionally unavailable or extremely mentally and emotionally abusive. So far Donovan hadn’t seemed like he was either of the two. But they had only been together for 5 months.

Things with him had been so perfect, she was literally waiting for the other shoe to drop. She hoped it never would, but deep down she knew otherwise.

“Except what?!.. Spit it out!”

“Baby you know I love you?”

“Yeah… Just say it!”

“Baby…. you gotta work on your body.”

“What’s wrong with my body?! You always claimed you loved it before.”

True he had always seemed to be in love with every inch of her. But now that he had become comfortable with her and realized her loyalty; that’s when he knew it was a good time to dig his claws in.


1 YEAR LATER…..

“You changed. You aren’t the woman I thought I knew!”

Kayla hadn’t realized it, but she allowed herself to get lost in Donovan’s madness. In the beginning things were ideal. She loved and trusted him; he could do no wrong. She hadn’t realized it, but slowly she had become his chameleon. She learned how to bend and blend into the small pockets of space he allowed her.

By this time she learned all his likes and dislikes. There was very little she could say and do that wouldn’t upset or trigger a negative reaction.

The more time passed, the angrier and more detached he became. Things like random arguments about trivial things were common place. Right a long with Donovan taking multiple shots at Kayla’s self-esteem; through name calling, mostly pertaining to her weight. 

By this time Kayla had grown tired of his disrespectful underhanded antics. She wanted so badly to leave, but feared being a lone and loosing her independence.

How many of you are stuck in a situation that is unbearable? But you stay anyway because of your resistance to change or you believe the discomfort is only temporary and will eventually dissipate.

If that is the case, I’m sorry to tell you; you need to get more uncomfortable or even give up. In order for you to move through that or this dark time in your life to make it to the light.  

No one situation stays the same. 

Change will come….

 

If you let it.

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As Always

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health · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

Broken Men

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   Am I the only one that believes the way some men handle their emotions needs to change? There is a stigma with men and not being able to express their self. I know plenty people think about men and the way their emotions are going to come out in the long run. But what about the wives and girlfriends of these men that keep their emotions bottled up? Speaking as someone that has been in this situation before, it’s not fun.

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          I understand it isn’t good for the man because it causes them to act out in other ways. For example: high blood pressure, depression, becoming abusive either verbally or physically, cheating, and the list grows. Men need to start expressing their self to people closest to them, so their family, friends or lover could know what’s going on with them. That is the hardest thing to deal with, having someone you want to share everything with and can’t because they have a wall up. There’s no way for that relationship to grow when you emotionally can’t be open with the person you supposedly love. So many things come from people not being able to express their self. I understand that it isn’t just men, but that’s who this post is directed towards.

A lot of these abusive relationships come from men that have been hurt and don’t know what to do with the pain. I’m sure a lot of us don’t think about that, but that’s what it is. There are so many things that could have played a role in the way a young man looks at the world and the people in it. I’ll give you a very real story that happened to someone close to me.

Jaylen was a little boy loving life. Living and enjoying being a little boy. Being that he was very young he hadn’t encountered anything or anyone who meant him harm. That was until his mother fell in love with a man she thought was the love of her life. This man seemed like the perfect gentlemen for the first couple of months to year. But what the mother didn’t know was this man was more interested in her son than he was in her. See the source image
Months went by, the mother continued to be blindly in love. Signs of sexual abuse constantly got dropped in her lap, but she paid little to no attention to them, not wanting to face reality and thinking to highly of the man and not trusting in her baby. Also not realizing this once little bubbly, energetic, ball of joy, changed. Do to what’s been happening to him, he had become depressed, angry and didn’t trust anyone. But by the time the mother figured it out, it was too late. The pain and anger had already set in. 

There are so many problems with this situation. For one, the mother saw the signs, but did nothing because she didn’t want to face reality. But the biggest problem was she didn’t offer her son anyway to heal from the pain. Most likely she didn’t know what to do to help him heal, she didn’t believe him, or she didn’t care. I’m sure many people are probably thinking “How could she not care that someone raped her little boy?!” or “How could she not believe him?!” It’s very possible.

But the problem is whatever the case was, you now have this very angry confused little boy who grows up to be this angry confused man. Who doesn’t know how to deal with his anger. So he goes out and hurts other people, because hurt people, hurt people. Or he suffers in silence because he feels so much pain that he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. Or the one I think rings most true; He’s too embarrassed and uncomfortable to admit the nightmares he experienced as a child, because he may feel it makes him appear less of a man.

stressed black man

We have to work on making our men feel like men, especially when they were put in situations they didn’t have the power to change. Let them know what they went through is not who they are. It’s something they went through, and over came. Also be there for them when they’re ready to open up about things that’s bothering them in their past, present or future. They will love you even more for that. And remember when he tells you something critical, you don’t have the right to tease him about it or bring it up in an argument, no matter how mad you get. That’s going to cause him to shut down and go further into depression.

In conclusion, therapy works wonders. If you have a problem and need someone to talk to and you either have the money or the insurance to do so, go see a therapist. Let them help you work your life out. Even if you don’t have money or insurance find someone you trust and that’s willing to listen, and pour your heart out. You don’t realize it now, but getting all that bad energy out helps you move forward in life. Your spouse will be extremely happy you did. Never feel like you have to hold things back from your therapist because in the end, your only hurting yourself.

 

Always Remember, Lead With Love!

 

 

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