What’s up Ya’ll!
Hope everything is going well….
You know how you start thinking of different things that you’ve been through, through out your life? Well that was me the other day. I mean I always think of the different things I’ve been through. Thing is I just don’t understand how I kept my cool through out so many different times. I remember I was working out at the gym I had a person I thought was a friend. She was with a friend of hers. I said ‘Hi” and they proceeded to walk past me. Next thing you know I feel something wet on my back.
I was pissed but didn’t do anything about it because I was so concerned with others seeing me act out of character. Ask me why, I still don’t know till this day. Or the time I got used repeatedly by the same guy. At the time I thought that was the way it was. He would leave come back, leave come back. And I would be there to receive him every time. It was my warped perception of what I thought love was.
At the time I didn’t know what Love looked like between a man and woman, so I want by the examples around me. The sad part was every example there was always heartache and pain. There was never any couple that was happy more then 50% of the time. There were always problems coming about.
But to make a long story short, I’ve realized there is much that I have to talk about. I thought there was nothing I had to offer. But when I begin to think about it, there’s plenty. My only problem is I don’t let many people into my most intimate circle. It’s hard for me to let others see me in the raw. I’m so used to putting up a vail that many times I put up one on myself.
It wasn’t until I spoke to my potential “Dom” that I realized I don’t let that may people see the person I truly am. He pointed it out to me the other day. I just thought it was crazy he knew me on a way deeper level then most people know me.
It’s something about trust someone sexual that will allow you to bare all your layers. I say that because many of my ex’s know me way better than most of my family and friends. I’ve gotten a little better with opening up, but I still have a ways to go. As I’ve said before I do this because I don’t want to taint the image most people have of me. But when it gets down to the meat and potatoes of who I am; I’m a very complex being. Hell, I’ll still figuring my own self out.
One thing’s for sure, with every blog it helps me take a step in the right direction.
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