I hope everyone is well. I know it’s been a long while since I’ve posted something. As most of you know my health hasn’t been working to better me.
As of now I feel that is changing because I figured out what was wrong. Can you take a guess?…..
As the days go by I’m starting to feel a lot better. I have a doctor’s appointment, but that won’t be happening till the end of the month. So naturally I had to find something that was going to help me out in some way.
I can’t even begin to tell you the discomfort I’ve felt over the last couple of months. But I still found a way to push through.
During this time I’ve also realized there’s nothing to really be afraid of. The only thing any of us should be afraid of is lose of life.
That’s why I’m learning if there’s something you want to do, you need to go ahead and do it, because you never know if you’re going to have that chance again.
Just a quick little something. Blogs will be getting long and more in depth over the next few days.
If you’re not able to tell I’m extremely happy that we are about to start the weekend. The only problem is when the weekend ends and we have to report back to work on Monday.
The other bad thing is; the only time I feel inspired is when I’m at work. I guess it’s because there are so many other things I wish I could be doing while I’m there. Like you, there are things I tell myself I’m gonna do when I get off, but it just doesn’t happen. Once I get off I’m singing a different tune. I’m sure it’s because I have to be there and not because I want to be. Not saying I have a had job. It’s not hard at all. I just know I could be doing so much more with my time.
I have recently started engaging in selfcare. Something I never thought too much about until now. I love the things I’m starting to find out about myself. I found out my personality type and also that I am an empath a while ago. Now I’m doing Shadow Work. I’m sure some people may feel like this is a little unorthodox. Trust me, it’s only because of the name, because there’s nothing witchy about it. Truth be told, the only thing I really care about is if it’s going to help me find the pieces of me I lost as a child. I guess we’ll find out.
If you’re interested and want to know more about my journey back to me. Or you already know about Shadow Work and it’s helped you.
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How many people out here are living the life of your dreams?
I really want know if it’s possible. A part of me knows that it is possible. It’s just obstacles come up. Not like they’re big obstacles or anything. They are mainly emotions or fears we all have, that debilitate us to the point of never accomplishing our true GOD given gift.
What I’m praying to learn is how to go throughout life fearlessly accomplishing every goal I’ve ever had for myself.
If you’re someone like me who wants to live freely but don’t know how to, I would say the first step is to get out of your head and stop second guessing yourself.
Inclusion, make sure you’re living life regret free. It’s the best way to experience life (so I’ve heard).
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I am going to remain positive. Sometimes the old way that your body handles conflict rises up and takes hold. Your job is to make sure you correct that way of thinking if it has a negativeimpact on you.
Sometimes you have to take things for what they are and then move on. I understand many of us want to be in control of every interaction and outcome. But you have to know the way a person chooses to react isn’t in your control. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you have to except it and move on.
It is not your job to make sure the next person is okay with you. It’s your job to make sure you’re okay with yourself before you concern yourself with someone else’s problem with you.
If you find yourself always trying to be in good grace’s with the next person that is a remedy for anxiety, overthinking and discomfort.
Please (for yourself) find other ways to cope with the discomfort that comes with putting you first. Your confidence will sore once you do.
I try to write only when I have something to say. Many times I write based on the way I feel. So far that has gotten me no where. I write this way because it keeps what I have to say relatable, rather than me writing about things I know nothing about. I’m not sure if many people care for blogs like this, but I created this blog to help me through some of the issues I experience and continue to experience.
In many ways this blog has become my medicine. When I first started I thought I was going to be helping others. In actuality you all have been helping me. At first I was a little disappointed that people who read my posts left no response to nearly any of my posts. But the way I felt about that slowly began to change because I’ve learned to appreciate the likes and knowing that someone has read it.
Well let me get back to the reason I chose to write today. As I stated in blogs past I’ve decided to come back and live with my mother, because I can not afford to live by myself at the current moment. I guess you could say I’m a little bit of a hippy because I don’t feel like working is supposed to take up so much of your time. I’m sure I could have been living comfortably if I would have graduated college; but I chose a different route.
Many may think I regret not graduating. To be honest sometimes I do and other times I don’t. Mainly because of the opinions of others. Honestly I never cared about extending my education through a university or college; because I know I’m a person who loves to learn. So whether I went to college or not I knew I would always have an opportunity to learn different things, because I would make sure of it.
Well.. that wasn’t really wanted I wanted to talk about. I wanted to just say that living based on the opinions of others is a recipe for unhappiness. So I have decided that I’m gonna work on the things I find important and forget about other peoples opinions of what I should do. In real time I have focused too much on the opinions of others. I’m gonna get my life back! I have too. What’s the point of having a life if you don’t live it the way you see fit?
As always I hope your day is extremely productive and pleasant.
I want to try something different. I want to give you who don’t know how it is to live with paranoia and different phobias and fears a series.
It won’t be too different from my posts now. For the most part I post what I’m experiencing at the current time. Well…. what I want to do is check in with y’all once a week letting you know how I’m dealing with my agoraphobia and paranoia.
So allow me to get this ball rolling. I’ve always been concerned with what others think of me. Many days it consumes me to the point of paralysis. It’s a constant struggle to allow others into my mental space.
I’ve never wanted to be a fully functional adult as bad as I want to now. Over the years I’ve allowed my childhood and different experiences from it to debilitate me from being a carefree spirit.
I know I have it in me, but it’s a struggle to let go of everything I’ve ever learned growing up. It weighs on me like a truck. At times I feel like I’m losing my mind!
The sad part is the only way I’ve managed to find a release is through my writing. The people around me don’t seem to realize how deeply the energy of others affects me.
I’m sure some may think I’m crazy. But like many things it’s debatable.
Well I have to bring this to a close. I have to go back.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing these feelings, please dont brush it off. You never know how deeply what you say may affect them.
Getting ready trying to keep the over thinker at bay.
To remind you guys, I haven’t been at work since March. For some this may not seem like a big deal. For me though it’s the biggest hump I’m gonna have to get over; especially because my seclusion which became my normal is not gonna be a thing anymore. Reason being… school is starting in a mere week.
I know I shouldn’t over think this, but I have a tendency to over think things. Then the thing I began over thinking gives me anxiety, then it just becomes a rabbit hole filled with emotions.
To be honest I believe that’s why I loved being on my own; I didn’t feel obligated to socialize. But the deeper I dig into this empath thing I realize not wanting to socialize and be around others was my participating in the numbing process.
Had to share this with you all because this is my therapy. I’m working on correcting this behavior. I don’t want to be the weird one for ever.
As always, I hope you all are doing well, enjoying your summer and everything.
I have to say that I’ve learned a lot this summer. More than I ever thought I would. Hate that I had to go through it. But that’s what has to happen for you to learn from your mistakes.
I’m in a much smaller space right now, but at least I have peace of mind. I haven’t had that for a very long time.
See I thought the thing to have was a relationship, regardless if it was good or bad. I was trying to hang on for fear life, be cause I thought that was what validated me. It wasnt until I was all the way on it that I realized I could do bad all by myself.
See that is something many people need to be reminded of. So many people feel like they’re not of any worth because they haven’t found they’re Mr. Or Mrs. Right yet. I’m here to tell you don’t rush it. It will happen when it’s supposed too. You rushing it only pushes you closer and closer to the wrong person you were never suppose to be with in the first place.
During that time find out what makes you happy. You don’t have to be attached to someone in order for you to be happy. You have to first know how to give yourself love before anyone else can give their love to you.
Over time I’ve realized people only value what is not easy to get or obtain. So if you have an opinion about something or are strong against something speaking so that it’ll be clear!
You get way more respect when you respect yourself and dont allow others to walk all over you. I know that it’s gonna hurt. But it’s something that’s gonna have to happen if you want respect from those around you. This is especially true when dating, because once you’ve shown them you have no boundaries they’re gonna keep pushing until they lose interest and then start looking for another person that is the complete opposite of you.
You know what’s gonna happen then? They’re gonna marry that person, because they didnt not bind to their will and follow what they said like a good little concubine. They thought for themself and came up with they’re own conclusion.
I get it’s easy to fall into that mode of submission because you want to make your significant other happy. But don’t give up what you love and how you truly are to hold on to someone that never really deserved you in the first place.
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