We had been fighting for months. Me trying to make things right, him pulling away. It seemed that this cycle was never going to end. All I wanted is for things to go back to the way they use to be; but I knew they wouldn’t because he didn’t want them to. Part of me thought he was loosing his mind, because he always seemed to pick a fight over the smallest things. It got so bad till there was nothing I could do without worrying how he was going to react.
Now I was a woman who was unknowingly attached to a man who no longer wanted her. The pain of that realization crippled me every time it crossed my mind. Months prior he made me aware he no longer wanted to be with me. Said I wouldn’t understand and that he didn’t want to go into detail because it would make me cry.
So at this current time I’m here hurting; contemplating if I will ever let myself be this vulnerable again. Days pass, not a word has been uttered between the two of us since he delivered that cruel blow. Sometimes I think he says the things he says to get a reaction. Then when I do react, he tries to minimize it.
“Hey Frtitz, what’s up man? How you doing?”
He was on the phone with a friend. Something he hardly ever did while we were together, but since our split his been way more talkative and more active. Every time I hear him come into a room it instantly makes me uncomfortable, stirs up anger and confusion.
All these feeling are do to never having the chance to express how I truly felt. I know and have known for a while that he is not and was not the man for me. The longer we were together the more he proved that to me. We just didn’t have the same interest. I was interested in a life partner, and it has been made clear to me he wanted someone for the moment.
They say it’s a good idea to sit down and talk. Talk about the things you expect from that relationship. Rather than do what I did, and just go with the flow. Sometimes going with the flow works, but hardly ever when building with someone else is concerned. A valuable lesson I’ve been taught repeatedly, but never learned until now.
Now that I’m getting older there’s no time for the bulls***. For the first time all attention is going to be on me. Who knows, I may do some traveling or do something crazy; something that’s going to make me feel alive. It’s about time I concern myself with the betterment of me. Get to know and love me; a concept I took in to consideration but never acted on.
My Sad Truth