You know what I always wondered? Is my life going to be the same once I fully embrace the person that I am meant to be? Will I still have the same relationships with different people in my life? Will I change? One thing that I’m pretty sure of is me not changing in the way of being arrogant. I know that could never be me. It’s just not in me. But the other questions that I ask myself I have no real control over. Those questions have to deal with mainly the way that others act towards me. I hope if things do change it is only for the better and not for the worst, because I am the worst when it comes to dealing with change. I like to keep things the same because it doesn’t stress me out. Change is the one thing that stresses me out badly as I’m sure others can agree; that has never been my strong suite.
I wonder once I start to really emerge as an author will the people closes to me embrace the change. I wonder mainly about my significant other because he is the type of man who feels that the man should be the main provider. I’m concerned that he may feel that his place as head of house hold may be challenged because of the benefits that come with being recognized for working in the field of entertainment. That is the last thing that I want to do, but at the same time it is something that I have to do. I know God gave me this gift because he wanted me to do something with it, not for it to lie dormant.
I have always wanted to be a writer. I’ve been writing and creating stories since first grade. I suspect that is what I was supposed to be doing with my life. But never really gave in to it because I didn’t have the confidence that it took to push myself forward and to make something out of it. I thought that my family and friends were just boosting my head up, as they do. I never thought that I had any real talent as a writer until outsiders started to read my work and comment on how good it was. When that began to happen that is when I knew that I had something worth pursuing.
From that my focused has changed. The things that I use to focus all of my attention on I don’t. I find myself consumed with succeeding as a writer and soon I hope to be able to call myself an author. I am loving the fact that I am finally focused but I don’t want my relationship to suffer because of it. That is something that I am mindful about daily because I finally feel that things are right and I don’t want to do anything that could jeopardise that. On the other hand I might just be making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m not sure but I am loving the ways that I am starting to evolve.
Shads Short Stories 