empowering · Feelings · relationship · Thoughts

Infidelity V.S Rape

Good Morning!!!….. I apologize for my absence. Been enjoying my freedom a little to much.

Well todays post is going to be about two different things, that are different sides to the same coin. As you know, I’m constantly thinking. Most times I feel like I can’t turn my brain off. I’m always thinking about something. I already know why that is. If you think you know the answer, leave a comment below.

Anyway, like I was saying…. Why are certain people given a pass when it comes to cheating, and others are expected to except infidelity?

For years, men have been given the upper hand when it pertains to doing the morally right thing. They have been allowed do overs, for centuries! Women on the other hand, are expected to be loyal; and at the first encounter of infidelity, are cast to the side. Thrown away like a peace of trash.

I understand some women may deserve that type of treatment. But women who have been violated had no choice in the matter.

For starters, an astounding number of women and girls in the Democratic Republic of the Congo were raped back in 2018; 605 women, and 436 girls. There were also men and little boys who were violated; 4 men and 4 boys.

Just think about that for a minute….

Think of how these women’s and girls’ lives changed after something so horrific. Many times in countries like that, they view the woman as tainted after something like that happens. As a result, they believe the women/girls did something to make the rapist believe they had the right to do what they did.

I never understood how men can’t see how rape is a power play. It’s something men or women (yes women) do to assert their power over someone.

So think of those men who have no empathy, or understanding for something like this happening to the women they “love”.  Many men aren’t able to move past this, while some are. It won’t be easy, but it’s doable.

Some reasons men can’t get past their spouse getting violated:

  1. They see them more as something to own, and not a person with feelings.
  2. They’re more concerned with their feelings and completely out of touch with how this ordeal affected you i.e-ego.
  3. This one kind of goes with number 2. They’re concerned about what other people are going to think.

There are always going to be reasons to leave someone. Some people aren’t worth the fight. But I tell you, if you feel like that person is worth it and you know you’ll never find any one like them. You need to fight for what is yours. When love is involved, no one else’s opinion matters, but you and the person you love. Also stop allowing these men and women the chance to treat you like crap. Hold them accountable for their actions. That’s how they learn.

Final thought: If you’ve ever cheated or continue to cheat on your spouse, there is no way you shouldn’t be able to go through a traumatic experience such as rape with them. I feel if you love them, you will do anything in your power to help them work through their PTSD that is associated with the incident. But if that isn’t the case and you were only with them because it was convenient. You’ll find a way to make it about you just so you can leave.

Just some things I want you to think about.

Go crazy in the comments.

Do you believe rape is ever the victims fault?

Should a couple take a break, break-up, or stay together if rape has taken place? 

In regards to infidelity, should it ever be tolerated?

Should both women and men be held accountable equally, when it comes to infidelity? Why or Why not?

As Always….

All information provided by: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201705/loving-or-having-sex-woman-whos-been-raped, https://www.un.org/sexualviolenceinconflict/countries/democratic-republic-of-the-congo/ 

Photos Provided By: https://tableforchange.com/6-characteristics-of-an-unfaithful/, https://anchalproject.org/blogs/news/60771523-what-is-rape-culture

Series Review · Thoughts

Series Review: When They See Us

Spoiler Alert: If you’re the type that wants to know nothing before watching a show or movie. You might not want to read this, because there are spoilers all up and through here.

Well hey Everyone!!!

 

As you know it’s Saturday; the day after the last day of school. My journey begins.

I know this is a little different then the things I usually write about, but I really wanted to bring this series to you all’s attention. I was watching a short series about the Central Park Five. I have to say it was very emotional to watch. It starts off just following five young boys.

Before this incident the boys did not know each other.  Maybe two out of the five did. What was so bad about it, these boys got convicted for something they had nothing to do with. The crime they were charged with was rape in the third degree. The woman they were accused of raping almost died. What made it even worse was she didn’t remember who raped her.

Many of the boys stayed in juvenile detention for almost all of their teens, and got out when they were grown men. The all had it hard, but in my opinion the one who had it the hardest was Korey and the reason I say that is because he got out after serving 12yrs of his life behind bars. Mind you for a crime he did not commit and he was only 16 at the time of conviction. Having to shower with grown men in an adult prison.

I have to say Ava DuVernay did a superb job on this. I felt everything those young boys went through. They endured things no child should have to go through. No matter what social class, financial level, race, or culture a child is a child. The one thing I wish those people who put them there would have done is imagine if it were their niece, nephew, daughter, or son before they decided to take these young boys innocents away from them.

Imagine if you had to grow up fast because someone felt your life wasn’t important enough to save. What if it came done to politics, when it was your turn to take the stand or be judged? How would you feel about serving time then?

These are questions I would loved to ask that prosecutor, female detective and all of the cops that coerced those boys to lie about their involvement as it pertained to that case. Going as far as not letting them relieve themselves, eat, or be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian at the time of integration.

Truth is I can go on and on about this, but I really want to see what you all think about this series. Please come back once you’ve watched it, and let me know what you thought about it.

Below are pictures of the boys then and now. They’re in a better place now. But what was taken can not be given back.

Warning: Know that this is going to be a tear jerker (if you’re overly emotional like me).

 If your interested in seeing the series, check it out on Netflix. 

For me it was 5 stars. I loved it and hated at the same time. Loved it because they had the chance to tell their story, and I loved the way it was told. Hated it because of all the things they went through when convicted of a crime they did not do.

 

Photos Provided By: https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-myth-of-the-central-park-five, https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/18/opinion/why-trump-doubled-down-on-the-central-park-five.html, https://www.mediavillage.com/article/when-they-see-us-a-30-year-old-horror-story-for-our-times/

 

As Always……

empowering · motivational · self-esteem · Thoughts

Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

Have you ever dated or married someone that you thought visually wasn’t on your level? You know, someone that you wouldn’t usually find attractive. I have, a couple of times. And I still ask myself till this day, ‘What was it that had me so head over heels for it to go that far?’ I’m talking riding by houses, dealing with cheating and disrespect on the regular. At the time I didn’t understand it. I thought I loved the man, but once I left him for good, I realized I couldn’t have loved him because I didn’t love myself. I think the real reason I was holding on to him so tight is do to seeing other women in my life constantly get disrespected by the men they were with. I think over time I expected any man that I was with to do me wrong, because of what I grew up seeing. But just because I expected it doesn’t mean I didn’t have my eyes open for something better.

toxic-relationships

Through friends of mine I started to see that good men did exist. The only question now was, ‘How was I going to get mine?’ I thought for a long time good men didn’t want women like me. They wanted eye candy and women that were going to give them a lot harder time than I was. That’s what it seemed like anyway. I remember man after man trying to date friends of mine, I know now it was because they wanted to sleep with them. I’ve realized some men will do anything for the chase. The funny thing is, one of my best friends at the time knew the reason for all the gifts and shopping sprees, and she played on their intelligence. Many times men would think she was naïve because she was young and a woman, but she was sitting back taking notes. There were so many times I wished to be like her, because she had the restraint to not let her heart get involved.

I can think back to when we were teens, she had one guy who meant a lot to her. After him she never really let herself get blinded by lust or love, ever again. She always had her plan A, B, or sometimes C. I can’t fault her for how she chose to deal with the breakup. She in so many words was a Playa, finessing men like a man would finesse a woman. She had game for days. She even had the intuition to know when a man was cheating or was no longer interested and she would get rid of them before they got rid of her. She was bad, but in a good way. I have to say I’ve learned a lot from her. But, I don’t think I could keep my feelings detached like she did.

when-not-to-get-ex-back

There were countless times my heart got broken, because I wanted love so bad. She was always there to help pick up the pieces. At the time, the life she had was the one I wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to be that in control or selfish. I still don’t think I could. But one thing I have to say is, she got me through a lot of tough times, and I her. She helped me realize it was okay for me to be me. She always told me don’t change, no matter what.

I remember getting in this very toxic relationship when I was nineteen, her, another close friend and my family tried talking me out of being with the guy. I never listened. He wasn’t even my type. The way we got together was weird, because his 50 maybe 60 year old uncle was trying to talk to me first. That already seemed a little off to me. So, he started talking to me for his uncle, didn’t help that we worked together. Over time, him talking to me for his uncle turned into him talking to me for himself. From that came a almost nine year “Relationship.” I put relationship in parentheses because I realized that wasn’t what that was, although I thought it was at the time. But it turned out being just two people spending time together and engaging in extra curricular activities.

toxic

Time after time friends and family told me he was no good for me and that I could do so much better. But by then it was too late. His hooks were already in me and at times I felt like I was at the bottom of an ocean struggling to breathe. Waves of emotion would wash over me, because of things he would say to me or about me and things he would do. I was young and had no clue how a man was suppose to treat a woman. As I told you before I had no positive examples growing up. Well, I guess you can say there were positive examples but they didn’t seem obtainable. Simply because they were on television.

bad-relationships

In the end, this relationship turned out to be a learning experience for me. It helped me to realize that beauty is only skin deep, and some people don’t even have that. But now I’ve learned to pay attention to the way a man treats me, rather than pay attention to his words. I’ve learned that words can be said by anyone, but action separates the men from the boys.

Always remember, ‘One monkey don’t stop no show. Love hard and love often.’

Photos provided by: Slodive.com, Lookupquotes.com, www.dirtyandthirty.com, and https://selfimprovedaily.files.wordpress.com