Question: Has the female male dynamic changed much since the 2000s?
There has been much going on between the woman and man since the beginning of time. First the men were the providers and protectors and the women were the nurturers and the ones you went to for reason. They were also the ones who kept the house in order along with other duties. In this day and age that has changed. As most of us know times have advanced, and as a result, so has the role of the woman. I’m sure this isn’t true across the board, but everyday we’re making strides for women every where to have the same rights as any man.
With that being said, there are some things I see a lot of women going through because we are the bearers and carriers of the seed. Because of this we are many times the one who takes responsibility when our other half does not want too. This is something I’ve spoken about before and just can’t shake loose. I’m sure this has a lot to do with growing up in a single parent household; my mother being the backbone of our family, emotionally and financially.
She like many other woman who’ve become mothers at ages as young as 12, 16 or sometimes younger, have had to put themselves to the side to make a way for the little person they have growing inside them. That’s if they’re willing to take on the responsibility.
I ask a simple question that deserves an answer.
Why is society the way it is? How did we get to this point? I understand in love or because of a woman’s nature she will fall victim to deception. That may have a lot to do with men being the decision makers.
I wish we all could be open minded and truly hear what our fellow (wo)man has to say. Regardless of gender, color, ethnicity, sexual orientation or any other factor I’ve failed to mention. I feel once we’re able to move beyond that we’ll all become better versions of ourselves.
If this is or has been a concern of yours, I would love to hear your thoughts
I’m sure at the time I’m writing this it’s probably bed time for most of you. But I had to get a post down for the day. Just incase you’re not aware, many times I only write if I have something to write about. As some may know a lot of my posts have something to do with what I’m experiencing at the time. So this will be no different.
This is something hard for me to talk about, because I feel that it’s letting you know a little bit too much about me. But I figure I’ll go ahead and get it off my chest. Let me start of by saying,” I’ve always been a big girl. At one point in time I use to be into health. But for the most part that has changed in the past couple of years. I guess you could say, “I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. So naturally like most people I allowed the way I felt to lead me.
This was not a good thing, for obvious reasons. Me allowing my emotions to dictate the way I feel or felt doesn’t keep me in a mind frame of being accountable for everything I do and consume. As a result I allowed myself to go crazy with the eating and the cold foods and drinks.
If I’m honest my diet consists of about 85% to 90% processed food….. Wow!! I never really thought about how much processed food I eat. That’s mind blowing. I’m just coming to the realization now that I eat way too much junk.
Well I’m sure you’re trying to figure out why I’m mentioning this. It’s simple really. I’m bringing this to light because a lot of women these days are experiencing infertilely. Many of them don’t realize it’s the food they eat that play a huge part in why they’re not able to conceive.
I remember reading a study years back, about the fertility difference in women who eat natural food appose to women who eat a diet high in processed foods. Naturally the women who ate natural foods most of the time were the ones with a higher fertility rate. As for the women eating the processed food, they’re fertility was cut in half . What’s sad is, it wasn’t a 100% to begin with.
If I can find the study I’ll make sure to leave a link.
This isn’t the same study from so many years back, but it is something you can read to get a better understanding.
Well at the current time I’ve been feeling all over the place. Having to deal with imbalances, menstrual problems, mood swings and the list goes on. I can not fully explain what I’ve experienced waiting for my period to come every month. This puts the stress level at even a higher high because my mother wants grand babies, and I’m at an age were that could easily not be possible at anytime. As for me, I’m not sure if I want any children. I feel like that ship has sailed. Also mentally and financially I’m in no place to have children at the current time.
The only thing I’m going to say is, “if God sees it fit to provide me with a child, I will love and do every and anything I can for that child. The other thing is I don’t know how it’s gonna happen, because I have taken the longest time from dating in my whole adult life.
I thought it was time I take some time for myself, because my whole life I’ve been living for someone else. I’m so tired of that. So I finally said, “Enough is enough! It’s time for me to learn how to love me without me needing the affection of someone else.
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I apologize if my recent blogs seem to be putting men in a negative light. All I want to say is; If you don’t have that negative view on men, please don’t develop one now because of me.
I guess you could say I’m a feminist. I believe the only reason I became this way is do to my experiences with men. I’m just gonna say a lot of them were not good interactions. But I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because life could have been a lot worse. I’m just lucky I have plenty of strong women around me who have taught me to be the ambitious, strong, independent woman I am.
There are many times I don’t realize just how strong I am. Also I know I have a one sided view because there aren’t many males that I speak to. So most likely I don’t know how the typical male thinks unless I’m dating him. Even then I fall flat some times.
For those of you though who have great relationships with the men in your lives’; please don’t let anything disrupt that. It’s not an easy thing for a man and a woman to remain on the same page. That’s one reason I think its always been said, men and woman can’t be friends; Cause if we don’t have sex in common; What is there? Before I used to feel that way, not anymore. There are many men out here that are just fine with being a woman’s friend. But…. overtime attraction arises and either the woman or man begins to like the other. This is do to time spent, and putting in the energy to get to know the other person. There are other factors, but those are some of the main ones.
If you are in a loving caring committed relationship; more power to you. Cause from what I’ve seen they don’t come easy. That’s why I’m gonna give myself the time to be free and spread my wings. I’m sure my luck will change, but I’m in no hurry to find Mr. Right. I’ve finally come to a point in life where I feel like being single. After all, being with someone has gotten me nothing but heartache, pain and an overwhelming feeling of suffocation.
I know someone good is out there, but forgive me for not wanting to find him; not yet that is. And for all of you who’re saying; ” He’s gonna be someone else’s Mr. Right because you takin to long.” Keep on saying it, because that isn’t gonna rush anything over here. Only God knows when that special man will come into my life and when the time is right. I know he will move heaven and earth if need be to get me to see that, that man is for me because only he can. So don’t worry about me because I know ho’s got my back.
Question of the day: Does a woman’s worth diminish because she’s unattached? How about if she’s childless?
As always hope your day is going the way you intended.
Question of the day: Family putting pressure on you to get married and have kids?
This is something many women and men have gone through at some point in their life. I’m having to deal with that question being asked more frequently because I’m in my late 30’s. Some people may not understand how invasive that one question can be. Truth is, you don’t know what kind of issues that man or woman could be going through in attempts to be considered normal a.k.a fertile.
Just to think back; once I was at a past job and a guy asked me my age, at that time I was 27. The next question immediately was; “Do you have any kids?” When I said “No” he looked at me as if there was something wrong with me. To be honest it pissed me off, because here you are , you don’t know me from a can of paint but you want to get all in my ovaries and find out what’s going on down there before you have the chance to get to know the person.
Sometimes it’s not easy to get pregnant. Just because a person has a little difficulty conceiving doesn’t mean they are less than a woman or man. I never got that, so many of us believe that we aren’t a real man or woman because we’ve had problems with conceiving children.
To be straight up with you, life is too short to sit up here and be concerned with things you can’t change. I understand that not being able to get what you feel you want or need is a bummer, but there is way too much life to live to focus on the things you have little to no control over. That’s why it’s important to always look on the bright side. You’re more likely to grow in the right healthy direction if you do.
As always, I hope your day has been going well and things have continued to get better in this trying time. But truth be told we all need a little something to distract us from the things going on around us.
Question: How many of us have dated someone we thought had our best interest at heart just to find out they were really looking out for themselves?
It’s a shame but it happens to a lot of us. We think the person has taken a real interest in us, only to find they were way more interested in what we could provide. I know women have been raised and bred to take the husband with the most to offer. It’s sad though, most us still think like this.
I’m not sure if you know, but we are able to go out and get it for ourselves these days. I get it, most of us want to take a shortcut and have wealth and everything else we need in a short amount of time. But the reward comes when you’ve worked for what you want, rather than trying to scam someone out of what they have worked so hard to build.
Also, it isn’t only women doing the scamming these days, it’s the men. They do the typical good guy things, wait till you fall for them, then their true colors start to show. In a since, they have become better manipulators then most women. The sad part is a lot of these men look to their women to take care of them in every sense of the word. Many don’t see anything wrong with it. They feel because women have been the ones being taken care of since the beginning of time, that it should be their turn to get cared for.
In this since I don’t see that as a justification for roles to change. When you think about it women have endured so much just to be where we are right now. Many of our female ancestors have been beaten, raped, had no rights and the list goes on. So for a man to want to come up off the back of a woman is a little suspect in my eyes.
Granted you have those who have done their fair share of caring for the women they’re with, and just getting sh***** on repeatedly. I can understand why they may have a mentality to use a women for everything she has, because it’s been done to him. Don’t get me wrong; just because I can understand doesn’t mean I’m agreeing with it, because I’m not.
All I say is make sure you can really trust the man or woman you’re with before you start giving them access and spending upseen amounts of money on them or on their behalf. Otherwise you’re going to feel like a real fool if you were to find out they were only with you because of what you could do for them.
If you’ve ever dated or are dating someone you believe has or is currently doing this to you or someone close to you. Make sure to drop a comment below.
I would love to read about some of you alls experiences.
I never know quite how to start out these posts. All I know is I have something I want to say….
I was a little amped this morning. Maybe it had something to do with me finally going to the gym. Well anyway, I was just thinking how I want life to be for me in the next couple of years There are so many things I want to change. First of all, I want to roll out of bed and already be at work. Working for myself is the goal. Like I have said before, time and time again.
I’m working towards the goal I have set forth for myself. I’m sure it’s going to be a fun journey learning everything it entails being an entrepreneur.
For many years I never pursued being the leader of my own company, because honestly I was to concerned about finding love. Well as I’ve said before, that time has passed. It’s now time for me to put myself first, learn me before I decide to give all my time and energy to someone else.
A lot of times we don’t realize this, but as women we have been brought up thinking that family and a husband is the thing to have; and if you don’t have that by a certain age you have failed.
That is a flawed way of thinking.
Thinking and believing that being someone’s other half is your life’s purpose leaves you vulnerable to all the time wasters and f*ck boys/f*ckgirls. What ends up happening is you start to question yourself (Well I know I did). You start thinking and believing that you aren’t good enough because most of these time wasters want to do just that; waste your time. But you as a woman have to be mindful of how much of your time you’re wasting on these people who aren’t looking for the same things you are. If you’re not careful, you could easily loose your chance to have children, following behind someone who wants to play house but doesn’t want the responsibilities that come with it.
I started thinking long ago… “Do I really want to be married just for the sake of saying I have a husband?” I thought and thought about it for a long time. I actually had someone I wanted and thought I was going to marry; but the longer we stayed together the more it became clear to me that, that was something that was never going to happen.
You see, a lot of us look at these social media posts, the families, kids, husbands, big promotions, lavish gifts; and jealousy starts to stir in our spirit. The next time that happens, I just want you to think, ” What did they have to do to get (him, her or it). Keep in mind, ” All that glitters isn’t gold. You don’t know what is going on behind closed doors or what that person had to do to get that promotion or that huge house.
It’s a sad reality, but many times people forget to live for themselves, because they’re too busy try to live for everyone else. So if there’s anything you take from this post, I would love for it to be ” Live everyday as your last. Without any inhibitions or doubt that the way you choose to live is wrong; because there is no right way,
Also if you’re looking for a soap that will be good to your skin and provides a pleasant experience every time. Check out Heavenly Scents By: Shadrieka.
Does a woman have to be able to hold her own, to command the attention of man?
These days society tells us, we have to be a man’s equal, in every way. That isn’t a bad thing. Some women don’t mind working and bringing that ‘bag’ home. Then you have others who were taught, a man is suppose to take care of them. It seems these days more men want women to be the ones doing the caring. I’m not saying all men, but there’s a large amount of them who do.
I never thought I would see the day a man would be okay with a woman paying the bulk of the bills. I get sometimes you may fall on hard times, and need your wife or girlfriend to lift you up. But too many times you come across men who’s soul purpose is to find a woman or person they can use. I’ve seen countless examples of men using women, vice verse, and even in some same sex relationships. The sad thing is, men think they’re justified for using a woman, because they claim women have been doing it for ages. That may have been true; but there was always a trade off.
What many men don’t or do not want to realize is back in the day when young beautiful girls married rich older or old men, it was for power or wealth. Many times it wasn’t their choice to marry the men the were betrothed to. They did it for the well being of their family or for their country.
The truth is, women have been gifts to men for centuries; in some countries, still are. I get that some men have learned to do this because they had a woman break their heart, however long ago. But you gotta learn to shack it off and keep trying until you get it right.
One thing I love about being a woman, is our resilience. Many of us go through heartbreak after heartbreak, and still find a way to love, every time. Men on the other hand, are not so forgiving. Most men are only going to allow their heart to be broken once or twice, before they go through a “HOE faze”. Then usually, once they’ve gotten it out of their system and find the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with; they’ll love again, it won’t ever be like that first time, though.
Why have women given their power away?
Many women don’t even know; being a woman is a very powerful thing. I think it’s because a lot women aren’t taught their value. So when these f***boys come around, we believe everything they say. The reason that is, a lot of times because we haven’t had a male figure around to help raise us. Everything relating to men, you always had to ask your mom, friends or go out and get a man; so you could find out for yourself.
As a result, you end up being a lot more confused then you initially were. To top it all off, your heart gets broken and then you continue to repeat the cycle until you “wake up”.
The problem isn’t only that; it’s also always having in the back of your mind, if you don’t do everything he askes, he’s going to find someone else who will. The truth is, if he wants to find someone else; he’s going to find someone else.
I hate, when people say “If you don’t do it another person will”. It’s sad, but that is what people say when they want their way and you refuse to give it to them. This seems to especially apply to men. It’s gotten so bad, women are telling other women “What you won’t do another woman will”.
I thought as women, we are suppose to have each others backs; or am I trippin?
If you didn’t know, now you know. That’s how we’ve lost our power; because to many of us don’t have morals. We don’t make them work for it anymore. The bar is set so low, when it comes to what well except and tolerate. This is the time to change that; especially if you’re giving him that “good good”!
You’re the prize, not him!
Inconclusion, a woman does not have to be a man’s equal on all level; no matter what society tells us. It’s all about what you and he are looking to gain from the relationship. Also, relationships aren’t a one size fit all. Sometimes you’re going to have a man who doesn’t want his wife to work, she might want to; there’s nothing wrong with that. It just means they’re not a match or they may be able to compromise and find a solution.
The key is to find someone that is your equal mentally. Once that connection is built, everything else falls in place.
Good Morning!!!….. I apologize for my absence. Been enjoying my freedom a little to much.
Well todays post is going to be about two different things, that are different sides to the same coin. As you know, I’m constantly thinking. Most times I feel like I can’t turn my brain off. I’m always thinking about something. I already know why that is. If you think you know the answer, leave a comment below.
Anyway, like I was saying…. Why are certain people given a pass when it comes to cheating, and others are expected to except infidelity?
For years, men have been given the upper hand when it pertains to doing the morally right thing. They have been allowed do overs, for centuries! Women on the other hand, are expected to be loyal; and at the first encounter of infidelity, are cast to the side. Thrown away like a peace of trash.
I understand some women may deserve that type of treatment. But women who have been violated had no choice in the matter.
For starters, an astounding number of women and girls in the Democratic Republic of the Congo were raped back in 2018; 605 women, and 436 girls. There were also men and little boys who were violated; 4 men and 4 boys.
Just think about that for a minute….
Think of how these women’s and girls’ lives changed after something so horrific. Many times in countries like that, they view the woman as tainted after something like that happens. As a result, they believe the women/girls did something to make the rapist believe they had the right to do what they did.
I never understood how men can’t see how rape is a power play. It’s something men or women (yes women) do to assert their power over someone.
So think of those men who have no empathy, or understanding for something like this happening to the women they “love”. Many men aren’t able to move past this, while some are. It won’t be easy, but it’s doable.
Some reasons men can’t get past their spouse getting violated:
They see them more as something to own, and not a person with feelings.
They’re more concerned with their feelings and completely out of touch with how this ordeal affected you i.e-ego.
This one kind of goes with number 2. They’re concerned about what other people are going to think.
There are always going to be reasons to leave someone. Some people aren’t worth the fight. But I tell you, if you feel like that person is worth it and you know you’ll never find any one like them. You need to fight for what is yours. When love is involved, no one else’s opinion matters, but you and the person you love. Also stop allowing these men and women the chance to treat you like crap. Hold them accountable for their actions. That’s how they learn.
Final thought: If you’ve ever cheated or continue to cheat on your spouse, there is no way you shouldn’t be able to go through a traumatic experience such as rape with them. I feel if you love them, you will do anything in your power to help them work through their PTSD that is associated with the incident. But if that isn’t the case and you were only with them because it was convenient. You’ll find a way to make it about you just so you can leave.
Just some things I want you to think about.
Go crazy in the comments.
Do you believe rape is ever the victims fault?
Should a couple take a break, break-up, or stay together if rape has taken place?
In regards to infidelity, should it ever be tolerated?
Should both women and men be held accountable equally, when it comes to infidelity? Why or Why not?
I was out with my boyfriend the other day, and I was just watching the way some men treat their women. I say some because I know everyone isn’t like the type of man I’m about to describe; my boyfriend’s sure not. And men if you’re like this, don’t be ashamed. There’s always time to correct it, if you want to.
The type of man I’m talking about is selfish, a liar, a manipulator, a user, someone that likes to use the person their with for their gain…… Don’t get me wrong, we all are with people we can take a little something from. But, the difference is; you take but you also give and the relationship isn’t always about your come up. That’s what I think a lot of people don’t get; women included. Because this can pertain to regular platonic relationships, as well.
I feel this trait is learned, and could be unlearned if the User wanted to unlearn it. But the way this world is, it just seems like everyone is okay with being the type of person that takes and takes and never gives. I know there are plenty givers out there. Also that some people that have become takers, have only become this way because someone behaved this way toward them.
Me for instance, I was with a taker for a very long time; damn near a decade. It wasn’t easy. But I stayed because I had hope that things would go back to the way they use to be, but that never happened. Once he figured me out, the nice him was out the door and he started to show me his true self. Just like that girl in If loving you is wrong; I stayed and did for him, gave him money, took him were ever he wanted to go, and anything else he asked for. I tried to be his everything, and lost myself in the process. All because I wanted that old thing back. Not realizing, that is what people do in the beginning of a relationship. They show you their sweet side first. I like to call it “The dream”, because that’s exactly what it is. There is nothing real in those first 6 to 8 months. You are, like I’ve heard other people say, “Wearing rose colored glasses”. If I knew that, I wouldn’t have stayed with him for as long as I did. But like they say, “You live and you learn”.
The one thing I’m thankful for is my ability to bounce back with out any visible scars. I’m thankful that I’m not the type of person that harvest hate for a potential spouse because of what the last one did. I’m sure a lot of people don’t mean to put others through what they’ve been through. But for many of us, “That’s the way love goes”– Janet Jackson
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It seems like the good men and women usually end up with someone that doesn’t appreciate them. Is it coincidence? I don’t really know. It almost seems like the people that date and marry people who do them wrong, feel like they deserve the ill treatment. Consciously, not so much so, but subconsciously there’s something going on in their mind that makes them feel they aren’t worthy of someone really loving them.
I have to say, I can relate. For years I dated and loved a person who couldn’t have cared less about me, and the only reason that happened was, my insecurities constantly making me feel like he was the best that I was ever going to find. I also have to admit he constantly told me things along those lines. Time after time he tore me down, never once tried to theoretically pick me. But soon I realized he wanted me to stay down so it could make him feel like he was the best thing that ever happened to me. For years, I dealt with his name calling, drinking, and mental abuse, thinking that it was going to get better if I just stuck it out. But, soon I knew it wasn’t going to get any better because he had to be a better man and love him before he could ever love me, and I knew that wasn’t going to happen while I was with him. He needed time to make a change that big.
I’m able to write about past experiences like this because I have moved past them. Now I am in such a good place. I have gotten older, and I know that I deserve the type of love I give, nothing less. And for anyone that happens to come across this blog, and you’re going through it with your man or woman, and they’re just not doing or treating you how you deserve, “Let that ass go!” No matter what they say or do after the argument or fight is done. If they’re not making any efforts to become a better person for you and themselves, there’s no reason to stick around because it’s only going to get worse. Trust the process. There is always someone out their better. So, no matter how many times they say that you won’t find someone better, you keep looking because your wife or husband is out their. You weren’t put on this earth for only their satisfaction, you’re suppose to experience a life filled with happiness too. All was remember that.