Good Morning Everyone!!!!
If you are one of the lucky ones like myself and are allowed frequent paid breaks from your job; I hope you’re enjoying this free time with every fiber of your being.
As for me, I want to enjoy myself. I just don’t know how.
Question: What childhood behavior or fear followed you to adulthood?
I’m not so sure I’ve written about this in depth, but I know I’ve written about it before.
Some may already know I have many fears. But the one I’ve developed from childhood is fear of authority figures ( especially men).
All though I’m grown and I have no one around me wanting to hurt me; it’s still a fear that lives in the back of my mind.
During this break all kinds of things have been going through my mind. Some good, some not so good. One thing’s for sure, I’m becoming more unmotivated as the days pass.
I’m sure this is happening because I’m back home. Don’t get me wrong I love being back home. I just hate the comfortability it gives me being here. It makes it hard to want to accomplish anything because I am provided the things I had to work so hard for, while I wasn’t here. I know that motivation should still be there. I have to be honest; it’s dwindling.
I know she loves me and wants me to stay a baby forever. But this struggle of being an adult with unresolved issues and childhood traumas and fears, are the things I hide behind when it comes to trying something new and exciting.
The Turn Around
After spending so many years living in my past I’m going to approach this coming year differently. Instead of holding on to past hurts and traumas I’m going to find new and creative ways to let them go.
A long time ago I realized I remain stagnant because I constantly listen to my own opinions, also the person I hang around the most is myself. How am I really suppose to change if I won’t allow new experiences to happen because I’m afraid of the possible outcome?
This is gonna be a real struggle, but it’s definitely something that needs to happen. I can’t have my inner world be richer and more vivid than my actual reality. I’m not going for it. I need and will only tolerate the type of life I would accept in my wildest dreams.
This is something I’ve been feeling for a long while, but have only had the courage to say up until recently.
I bring up courage because it takes courage to change and admit to yourself you live in the hurt because that’s what you know. Not only that it’s what you’ve become accustom and started to crave. This happens when hurt is what you’ve experienced the most. Over time you begin to crave it because it’s all you know.
Please keep in mind, hurt may have been what you’ve experienced and know better than happiness; but it doesn’t have to be. You can take that power back. Make life into what you believe it should be for you, at any point.
Never forget: How you choose to live is a mindset that can be changed at anytime. It’s like have a chest of treasure with a thousand keys. You know one fits, but you have to try them all till you find the one that fits.
That’s pretty much how life works. You have to go through life trying different (keys) until you find the one that unlocks the key to your treasure (happiness).
I hope you found something you can take away from this post.
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