empowering

Marriage?

What You Should Know About Child Marriage - David O. - Medium
The bond between two who have decided to become one.

Question of the day: Is Marriage still Necessary?

Marriage…..

A lot of us don’t see the point in it anymore. I guess you could say I would love to be married without having to be legally bonded to the other person. Like they say marriage is a contract. I don’t know the specifics, but there’s no way I’m gonna let someone make money off of me.

I can’t lie though, I would love to be married for reasons other than security, insecurities, or finances. I’m some what of a romantic, so the idea of someone choosing to spend their life with me is a flattering thought.

I understand decades upon decades ago, it was neccessary and sometimes mandatory for women to get married to men of a particular stature because they needed security and financial support.

These days that’s a thing of the past. Even though I’m sure there’re many who still get married because of a person’s economical status, it’s less of a requirement.

Earlier I was reading a post on “Marriage”, if it was a thing of the past or if it was still necessary. The person’s stance on the matter was “No” because they believed it had everything to do with needing something from the other person.

In this post the writer made it seem as if being married is a sign of weakness. But from what I’ve experienced it can be a beautiful fruitful union if both parties are willing and ready to put in the work.

What’s sad is, people have been taught and conditioned to believe if you need someone in your life, you’re weak; that’s far from the truth. The real strength comes when you’ve been hurt over and over again and still have the strength to love and be open and honest with your other half. That’s why when most refer to marriage they say things like, “When two become one” or ” Your other half?” They say this because there’s an unseen security that comes with being in great marriage, where you understand him and he understands you.

Need soap? Want a soap that’s going to keep your skin hydrated and supple? Go on over to SoapsbyShad.Etsy.com
&
If you want a book that’s going to keep you entertained from start to finish, Checkout Loyalty, Love, Lies & Betrayal By: Shadrieka Franks on Amazon.

Enjoyed the blog?… If so CashApp: ShadsShortStories

Photo Provided By: medium.com

As Always 

empowering · Experiences · Feelings · Informative · motivational · relationship · self-esteem · Short stories · Thoughts

Who Should Pay?

In this day and age it seems there’s a power struggle going on between men and women. A lot of men and women want to be taken care of, but at the same time want to have say so over their relationships.

My view on the whole thing; everyone’s’ needs can be met if we’re on the same page mentally. The sad part is, many of us get with people because we’re more concerned with their outer than their inner. This society is so mesmerized by how well put together or attractive someone is, they fail to find out what that person’s core values are. That’s where we mess up. I’m not gonna be like, ” Dude is ugly as f*** but I’m gonna still find out what he got in his head”.

I’m gonna be honest, that isn’t my initial thought. Usually if I date someone that isn’t attractive, they end up having a quality I found attractive to make me see differently. That’s how most of my relationships went, anyway. I’ve only dated someone visually attractive, once. The reason for that; many times people who are attractive and know they are, have big heads and I don’t need those problems.

But, getting back to the topic at hand. People date who they want. They marry who they want. We can have this argument until we’re blue in the face, but we’ll never be on one accord. One reason is everyone if asked would have a different opinion on the matter. You have some women who wouldn’t mind being the bread winner; the same is true for some men. All that really matter’s is if you’ve created a strong foundation.

If both are working to keep that relationship strong, there is nothing capable of breaking that bond. It’s not about who pays for this and who pays for that. It’s more of, ‘I got you and you got me’. Everything that we bring into the household and this partnership is both ours, equally. There’s no; ‘I make all the financial decisions because I make the money’ or ‘No sex because you’re not helping me around the house’.

If you have or are in a marriage or relationship were everything feels split down the middle; I want to let you know, that isn’t what you believe it to be. True committed relationships are when you have developed a union; a force to be reckoned with. Everything belongs to the two of you. There is no that’s mine and that’s hers. So until you can be that open you’re having experiences, that will eventually lead up to a relationship (hopefully).   

If you feel what I’m saying please make sure to Like, Comment, Share, and Follow.

Also if you’re looking for a great book to read Check out

Loyalty, love, lies, and Betrayal

Short stories

Passion 4- She got her own

The night before was hectic. Passion tried to keep her affair with Jaylen quiet, but someone had already spread the word to her husband. She tried getting it out of him who it was, but it was no use, he wasn’t budging. Partly because he was pissed the guy was even in the house.

Years before, he initially asked for the marriage to be one of convenience; but at the time he believed Passion would be so in love with him, he would be doing most of the dating. Lets just say, that isn’t the way it went down. Now he was caught between a rock and a hard place, because he was the one who opened Pandora’s Box. Now to try to close it; he knew it was not going to go over well with his wife.

“Hey Babe….” Passion was doing her best at trying to keep the peace; but one thing she didn’t take too kindly to, was being ignored. Something Kevall was great at. “Oh, so you ignoring me now?!”

He was so pissed, he didn’t want to say anything to her. He actually wanted her to hurt like he was hurting; but being the mature, logical man he was he knew that wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

“Passion you gotta understand; by having your little f***buddy here last night, it makes it look like you playin me!”

“Bae, that is the last thing I was trying to do. I would never do that to you; you have been to good to me for me to do you like that.”

“Thank you for saying that. But that isn’t the picture people from the party last night, are going to paint. I’m sure they’re talking s*** about us right now; really about you.”

“What you mean, ‘Me’?”

“I’m sure they’re thinking you’re dogging me out, and I’m too green to read between the lines.”

“I don’t care what no one has to say. This is my life; and you shouldn’t either.”

“That sounds good in theory; but you know how looking bad to your employees could transition into not so good attention for your business?”

“Yeah,.. I guess you’re right. Let me go and see if I can put these rumors to rest.”

“Good, you go ahead and do that; but not until you do something for me first.” It had been a really long time since Kevall saw his wife in her natural state. Usually, they would go days without seeing each other. So to see her now with out any makeup wearing his college sweatershirt, it made him fall in love all over again. “You are so… beautiful.”

“Ahhh, thanks babe. You are so sweet.”

“I’m not saying it to be sweet, i’m saying it because I mean it. You are more beautiful now than the day we got married.”

Passion had no idea how to react. It wasn’t the compliment that surprised her, it was the love and sincerity she saw in his eyes as he said it.

“And you are just as sexy as the day I met you.”

Kevall felt it was finally time to ask the dreaded question. He wasn’t sure what her answer would be, but he figured he would give it a go.

“Babe, how would you feel… about us shutting all our “friends” out, so we can work on us?”

“What you mean?” She knew exactly what he meant. She was actually trying to buy some time, so she could find a nicer way to reject the idea.

“Come on Passion, you know exactly what I mean. I’m happy with having only you. “I only want you.

I realized that the other night.”

“Are you serious? We’ve been married for twenty plus years. Doing this polyamory thing for the last ten; and now you want only me. ”

“You’re saying it like it’s an inconvenience to you.”

“Well… it is? Can I think about it?”

“I don’t see what’s to think about. I’m your husband, and you love me; right?”

“Of course I do. But Momma’s having to much fun, and I don’t believe i’m done playing yet.”

If you’re enjoying Passion, please make sure to LIKE, COMMENT, SHARE and FOLLOW to never be out of the loop.

Live your life freely and full of purpose.

empowering · motivational · self-esteem · story telling · Thoughts

Toxic Love

I saw something I thought didn’t happen as much with men as it does with women. That was men dealing with abusive women. I didn’t know abusive women were so wide spread. It seems men get abused almost as much as women. The unfair thing when it comes to the law is, they’re usually seen as the potential abuser if the police were to be called during an altercation. What a lot of people don’t understand is men aren’t protected under the same set of laws when it comes to something like that. It’s even worse when it involves people of different ethnic groups.

toxic love 3

Time after time things are done to men that aren’t looked at as abuse because in most cases, it’s a woman doing it to a man. For instance, if a woman out of anger slaps her husband or boyfriend across the head, it’s not seen as abuse. But if the tables were turned and a man did that to a woman it would be seen for what it is. It shouldn’t matter what gender the person is. What’s sad, we have been conditioned to think when a woman hits a man it’s comic relief some how. Beating on someone is never funny. I remember a couple of weeks ago I saw this clip on Facebook of a woman dumping food on her man’s head and also throwing objects at him, because he wanted to do something she didn’t agree with. I have to say, the way she handled that situation was childish. If you have a disagreement while in a relationship you are suppose to be adult enough to talk out your problems. Not throw a temper tantrum because you can’t get things your way. I have to admit though, when I was younger I engaged in that type of behavior. Believe me, I’m not proud of it but that was a chapter in my life that will never be repeated because I’ve learned if you feel the need to put your hands on someone your in a relationship with, that isn’t the person for you or you need help to resolve your issues. For me, I needed to get away from that person because he caused me to turn into something I no longer recognized.

Toxic love 4

In other cases with men dealing with abusive partners, they have to humble their selves immensely in order to keep the peace because they don’t know what might set their partner off. When you have to tiptoe around someone it’s never good or healthy. There’s no reason you should feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you’re with someone you love or are getting to know romantically. But a lot of men stay because they’ve been taught that a man is suppose to be able to take a hit. Not only that, a lot of times their ego has a lot to do with the reasons they stay. Reason being, most men don’t want to look soft in front of another man. So instead of being open about getting abused by their partner they’ll lie, try to make it seem like everything is okay, just so they can save face. But there’s a big problem with that way of thinking. You could get badly injured messing around with someone that has no concern for your wellbeing. But there’s something worse that could happen while with an abusive partner, doesn’t matter if it’s a male or female abuser. They could bring death upon you.

That’s something a lot of people in abusive relationships don’t keep in mind. All it takes is for the abuser to feel like you deserve to get hit or punched or sometimes hit by a car, what ever it is. Is it worth your life?! Do you love this person that much?! They hit you a little too hard or choked you just a little too long. Is it worth it?!

Toxic love2

I never understood people that could literally go to bed with someone that just beat them or choked them. Aren’t you afraid that you’ll go to sleep and never wake up? I’m sure people who deal with someone like that has to be fearful every minute of everyday. That is no way to live. You’re suppose to be happy and enjoying life, not being someone’s physical or emotional punching bag. Yes, there are emotional abusers too. Those are the people that dump on you to make themselves’ feel better. The point is, if the person doesn’t make you happy or makes you happy but you’re either fearful or sad most of the time, it’s time to let them go. This life is too short to deal with unnecessary pain and discomfort. Although you think you’ll never find anyone that makes you feel like they made you feel, press on! No matter how they make you feel when things are good, it doesn’t matter because they have a problem and need to get help. The sad thing is, as long as you continue to tolerate it, they’re going to keep pushing the limits because you continue to put up with it. In a lot of ways it’s like teaching a child what’s right and what’s wrong. You wouldn’t let your child get away with it, so don’t let them. Put them in their place and stand your ground. Don’t let fear trap you and make you stay with someone that doesn’t deserve you.

I’m sure you’re probably thinking, “Why does she care?” I care because someone really close to me went through years of abuse with almost every person they entered into a relationship with. I believe that’s another reason why I’m so sensitive to other peoples emotions. It was no fun watching someone you love and know deserves so much more, go through having their legs broken because they were thrown from a moving car or constantly having black eyes because their partner was having a bad day. There were countless things this individual went through. I don’t know how they did it, but I’m so thankful they did. Most people that go through hard times like this for years, sometimes decades, commit suicide. I’m so happy they saw the light before their was any, and realized they were worth so much more than any person in relationships with them ever made them feel.

To whomever reads this, I hope this post helps you in some way to acknowledge you deserve better. Man, woman whatever, everyone deserves happiness and someone that’s going to make them feel wanted, needed, loved, protected and safe. If you’re in a relationship and the person can’t offer that, there’s no need in wasting your time or energy.

Below are the links to the pictures. Also the first two websites listed are places that are dedicated to resolving this issue.

Photos Provided By: http://www.familyofmen.com/, https://equalitycanada.com/, 2.bp.blogspot.com/_pPyFslik5p8/TK3p3857wwI/AAAAAAAAAj4/rB3HsxvrqtQ/s400/327143-54317-58.jpg, buzznigeria.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/mean-black-woman-beating-her-black-husband-never-hit-a-woman-2015.jpg